A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm feeling traumatized. So the second guy I ever tried to have sex with completely crushed me. He asked me up to his room and things progressed, then when i tired to get undressed, he pulls away from me (pushing me off him) and says something about needing to get some sleep. I couldn't breath or say anything. I rushed out so fast I forgot my glasses and phone. And had to go back to get them. I keep playing it over in my head and just can't figure out what happened. I just want to forget it, but it just isn't going away. I was so nervous about have sex with some one else. How do I get over it? It happened so long ago. Its hard not this think I was just not pretty enough, or sexy enough. I don't have very much experience, and from what I understand about the guy he really isn't that picky about who he sleeps with either. I guess he is kind of a man whore. It wasn't suppose to be anything important to me, I was just lonely and wanted some one there. Could anyone shed some light on what happened, or at least give me advice to not think every situation will be like this.On a side note, the first time I had sex with the only man I've ever been with, he did the same thing. The first time I tried to have sex with him, when I went to take off my pants, he pushed me off him and pulled away.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): rythanandblues2 pretty much hit it.if you want anything else than just sexual encouters with the person,you gotta step it up.have a little pride and self esteem.maybe the men werent too experienced,but not all men are whores...like it sounds you tried being,but got shot down and it conserns you
A
female
reader, uluvme0723 +, writes (2 March 2009):
 Ok I have to disgaree. I see nothing wrong with just wanting to have sex with a person. Not everyone has to be in a realtionship to have sex. You said you knew the guy for years prior to that incident. I'm assuming the two of you were friends. That's probably why he flaked out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): Good answer from rhythmandblues. Anon, you have my sympathies, but, you went about "solving your problem" the wrong way. And why did you feel so compelled to "have sex"? Honey, it is not that big a deal, regardless of all the movies and TV and novels. It can be a wonderful thing...when it is with two people who truly love and care for each other. If they don't...it is just a mechanical act..and it is really pretty boring, usually. And what do you talk about afterward? Forget the bad experiences. They weren't your fault. And maybe the guys were just confused about what you really wanted from it. Best wishes, hon. I know there is somebody out there for you. Be patient and you will find them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe guy that I tried to sleep with, I have known him for over seven years and I considered him a friend. So his opinion did matter to me. I just really was not looking for a relationship with him. And we had gone out a few times. Most people who know that I've only been with one man, say that I just need to go out and have sex with some one else. I just thought that would be a good place to start. Some one i trusted, but didn't need to get attached to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): Ok, I am going to give you some tough love here.
What on earth are you doing "trying to have sex with" guys and not "supposing it to mean anything to you", and then being disappointed, no "traumatized" when a guy rejects your advances by pushing you away and turning away from you?
Why would you immediately jump to the conclusions that you aren't pretty or sexy enough? Why would you purposely choose a guy who "wasn' all that picky about who he sleeps with and is a man whore", and not consider yourself to be exactly the same in a female body? You weren't picky about who you slept with either.
If you are going to behave like a man (whore) then you are expected to be as tough as a man and face rejection like a man!
Why wouldn't you instead think that perhaps not all guys want to have sex when you just give it up to them? Why wouldn't you think that perhaps you are bringing this trauma onto yourself by putting yourself out there in a sexually promscous and casual way? Proving to yourself that a man will have sex with you is not a self-esteem builder, a beauty booster or a band-aid for loneliness.
The only thing you want to stop doing is to stop treating yourself like a useless object and instead be an interesting, lovely young woman who flirts with men and will not allow herself to be used for sex and expect anything in return for it.
If you want to play like this then have the guys to take the consequences what ever they are.
If instead you want to find a guy to love you, then start having some self respect and wait until you have a mutual dating situation at the very least, and even better yet a guy who wants to be with you just because he loves being with you, he enjoys your company with or without the sex.
Of course it happens that we have sex too soon with men, and that is OK, but if you just do that before a foundation is built before relationship, then anything can happen including what you just experienced. It doesn't mean anything, as the sex wouldn't have meant anything...perhaps these two guys were either anxious about performing, or were disappointed that you were so easy and actually wanted you to turn them down so they could get to know you better first.....it happens, guys secretly wish that we women would turn them down for sex, especially if they are looking for a girl they can trust, a girl they can love and who wants only them....guys want to believe it is them that you want, not a body or someone to keep you from feeling lonely, but that you want HIM.
Hope this helped you.
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