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Getting married next month after six years, but no sex

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 September 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 3 September 2010)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

My fiance and I have been together for 6 and a half years. The past two years we have been engaged and are getting married next month. We just moved in together about 3 months ago, and it's not at all what I had hoped for. We tend to work opposites, which doesn't leave much time for us, but when there is time, one of us, particularly him, sees better ways to spend his time. We've stopped having sex. In the past 4 months we may have done it little enough to count on one hand. Up until 4 months ago, it was probably at least 3 times a week, depending on how often we saw each other. He insists he does want to marry me and nothings wrong, but I'm having a hard time believing this. I try talking to him but he won't open up to me, I either hear he doesn't know what to tell me, or he gets frustrated and freaks out. He's not violent and I know he is not cheating. Is my soon to be marriage already doomed? What can I do?

View related questions: engaged, fiance, moved in, violent

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A female reader, sorceedea United States +, writes (3 September 2010):

sorceedea agony auntSounds similar to one of the questions i posted not so long ago. What does he do on his spare time? Does he play video games? Or does he try to spend at least 1 hr of his time with you? Do you guys communicate with each other the same as before? Perhaps you are just being paranoid and see things differently from him which is why he does not know what to tell you when you try to ask him? I had the same issue with my Fiance. We were both busy all the time and i found that out sex life is decreasing and it made me feel terrible inside. But i finally realized when you are busy, you're sometimes too tired to do anything (depending on the job you have). I use to ask my fiance if our relationship is still the same? If he doesn't feel like anything has changed? etc. Because to me it seemed different. But in his eyes, things were the same. So perhaps that is what's going on with you and your fiance. You see things that he does not see. In his eyes, things are okay. Perhaps he's like my fiance, sometimes things at work affects him and he feels it's nothing to bother you about hence, he loosens his stress from work with a time out of his own playing games, maybe watching sports, etc. Distancing himself from you. If he says he still wants to marry you, believe him. That means he still loves you. But perhaps you need to be more understanding to the fact that not all relationships with a busy schedule and less sex calls for a sign of failure. To me, a sign of failure is less communication, lack of interest, no affection, etc. For you to know for sure, ask yourself this. Does he still communicate with you? Is he still affectionate with you? Do you guys still smile, laugh, joke around with each other etc? Does he still look at you the same way he did when you guys started off? Does he still hold you when you're sleeping? etc. Relationship is not all about sex but how you bond with the person. These were questions i asked myself when i was feeling down and my fiance still does all of these things and it makes me feel good knowing he still there for me and with me even though our sex life has decreased. Perhaps you are having the same issue as i did. I wish you the best of luck and hope my answer helped you in some way.

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A female reader, Moo's Mum New Zealand +, writes (3 September 2010):

Moo's Mum agony auntGo to the costume shop and get yourself a school girl uniform or a french maids outfit and then come out of the bathroom wearing your ensemble and beckon him to the bedroom with your little finger. Then have a lovely old time together. Spice it up.

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