A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi im really confused about my friend. We;ve known each other 2 and a half years. But recently we;ve started going out more as we have now left college so its not like i see him everyday or anything. Theres usually me him and afew others that go out. Yes i like him alot and they have said they are sure he likes me but hes just to shy. Which i could understand because he is very different with me. Just the way he speaks to me and everything but its getting ridiculous.Some of these things are making me think we arent even good mates and in the past he;s said we are. But its little things that are getting me down such as....if we are all sitting together he wil go and sit next to them even if its the smallest space on the seat rather than sit next to me where there is plent of room. He will sit there asking the others about stuff like if he notices they have a new phone or something or about work. But not me. And this is the main thing. I get the feeling he doesnt want to meet me alone. Everytime someone hasnt been able to come out he has said i'll leave it tonight see you soon. The last time he did that he actually asked if i was going out or not and then when i said no because the others arent unless you still want go hereally confused me as he'd just asked if i was!So he doesnt come rather than just me and him go out! :( that really makes no sense as we have gone out alone in the past once and we were both pretty shy and we didnt know what to say. Also we went out a while back with the same people and he asked me to stay out with him once the others left and we got on great. If im honest that night went abit far as we started messing round which lead to playfighting and cuddling. Also to say he wont meet me alone hes the one thats sat there for afew hours in the freezing cold just talking with me after a night out.(about stuff in general) and hes wanted to do it!I dont understand it. I know you may say he doesnt sound like a very good mate but he is i just dont understand this. I cant talk to him about it hes one of these people that will take the easy route out and he wont talk about things. yes he is abit shy but hes also very confident with others. Hes always been pretty shy with me. Many people have said that maybe thats the reason he just goes and talks to the others...because he finds it easier than talking to me.Im so confused. Whats going on?
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male
reader, Who +, writes (2 May 2010):
 Everything you described about this guy’s behavior is how a shy person acts around the person they like. It is possible he will overcome his shyness with you, or maybe it will not be until later, with another girl. Perhaps he will never overcome it and will never have a relationship with a girl.
Do you want him to be your boyfriend? If so you have 2 choices; wait and see if he comes around by himself, or try to help him.
If you want, you could try:
1. Pattern the behavior you want him to mimic. Talk to him the way you want him to talk to you. Humans have a built in monkey-see-monkey-do instinct, and he may start acting like you do. Or not; he could get used to you taking the lead and always let you, so this plan could back-fire.
2. Is there a guy in you circle of friends that gets on well with the ladies? See if you can drop some hints in front of your shy-guy (SG) that he should watch the Ladies’ Man (LM) to try to pick up some pointers. Not sure how you will drop these hints so he gets it but none of your other mates overhear or understand. You could try to set it up with one of your girl mates to talk about the LM in front of SG.
3. Try the direct approach. Most guys who can’t talk to a girl they like are afraid of rejection. Call him up, chat for a bit, and say if he asks you out you will say yes. Tell him you don’t know how far things will go but you want to go out with him at least once. Tell him he is going to have to take the lead set the date up and ask you out. And tell him he already knows your answer when he asks you. Tell him he is going to have to come to the date with a few c0onversation starting lines. It is optional for him to write the lines on the palm of his hand. (If you don’t want to do this get a mutual friend to tell him for you. But is will be most effective if you tell him yourself.)
Good luck and hope this helps.
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