| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I have been in a relationship with the same man for 2 years. We have a 4 month old and I have a 3 year old from a previous relationship. Recently he has been getting angry a lot and we argue a lot over the children and our finances. I dont know what to do from here. I love him but I can't live arguing all the time. My question is how do I get help for us before it ruins our relationship? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (3 November 2005):
 I think you may need to learn how to settle problems without arguing and the best way to do this is to sit down and actually listen to each other's point of view.
Allow each other, say, 10 minutes to view your grievances and the other person just listens without interrupting at all. Then they have their say.
When one of you starts to feel angry, they should leave the room and go somewhere quiet to calm down and compose themselves. Anger often allows things to be said that shouldn't be said and are often not meant.
Try to find out why it is your partner is getting angry. What else is going on in his life? Ask him what makes him feel this way and listen to his answer. Explain to him how you feel and ask him to listen to you also.
Express to him that this is what you wish to do; to sit down and talk without arguing and just listening. Explain the rules of the game to him and also say that you don't want him to get angry as this makes you feel upset. Learn to talk to each other again and to listen before offering feedback.
Couples counselling can also help if you are both prepared to go.
I hope this helps you.
|
