A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in an amazing relationship, but I've realized that I need to make more friends in order to balance everything out.I spend almost every weekend at my boyfriend's place.We don't see each other during the week, because he works full time, I go to school, but we stay in contact through the weekdays. By the time the weekend rolls around, we both are antsy to see each other, so I normally head over to his place and we spend it together. We do all kinds of activities together and it's all around great times. That is something we have talked about, and it seems to work for us and our schedules. I recently just stared going to a new college, and don't know many people there so it has made it hard for me to get some social time outside of my boyfriend and our mutual group of friends.And yesterday, I ran into a guy at school who I went on a date with two years back but things didn't go anywhere after that. He contacted me and seems to show interest in hanging out on campus between classes and such, and since I am so bored there, I agreed. I have no romantic interest in him whatsoever, and would never want to jeopardize my current relationship over this guy.So, I am interested in being his friend, but I am not sure what his intentions are. It makes me feel a bit uneasy talking to him simply because I am a very faithful person and don't want this to go a way I don't want it to go.I am meeting up with him tomorrow after class, and I'm not sure on what to do. Should I casually mention I have a boyfriend to make sure I make it clear that I want to be just friends? I am not sure on how to do that without saying it out of nowhere.Also, should I be feeling bad about talking to him in the first place? My intentions aren't bad, but I feel a bit guilty like I am getting into something not so good.Any advice? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2010): you're asking for trouble, i can already see that one of you will make a mistake and will cause the end of the relationship with your bf.you wont be able to control your emotions and neither will the other guy, what will you do if he falls in love with you? will you still keep hanging around with him late at night by yourself putting your relationship at risk?sounds like u want to have fun but hide it from your bf.
A
female
reader, banditsmom1124 +, writes (23 September 2010):
 be honest and upfront...when you guys get together casually mention that you arent sure what hes looking for but you wanna let him know you have a bf. tell him youre interested in being friends but you cant/wont be anything more.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010): There's nothing to feel guilty about. I think it's definitely wise you mentioning your boyfriend to him though. Try and say it as soon as possible.
I've been in these situations before and they aren't easy. My boyfriend always tells me to tell another boy/man I have a boyfriend right away so they then have no intentions of anything. But it's not so easy at the time. I mean, you can't exactly be like 'hello, I have a boyfriend'. It's just how and when to fit it in is the problem.
I think you should wait about 10 minutes, talk as normal first. Then casually slip your boyfriend in somehow. Don't make it so obvious like, 'oh, I have a boyfriend! we're very serious..' or anything like that. Just add him in casually with the conversations. 'Oh, me and my boyfriend went there/done that before aswell'. 'My boyfriend likes that too'. If he's a nice person, he'll be happy to be your friend. If not, then you'll know what kind of person he is (as I've experienced many times). Which isn't nice either.
If the pair of you do become friends then there's nothing wrong with that. Just because he's male and you dated once and it never worked out, doesn't mean you can't be friends.
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