| A
female
,
Cooltigger
writes: I have split up after being married for over 12 years. I can't tell If I am in love or just great friends with a new partner. Does love have to be that you would die if you did not see the person or can it just be that you enjoy their company but there is no great spark. I don't want to make another mistake in my life
View related questions:
spark, split up Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, martini  +, writes (11 October 2006):
 Wow, Ariel, I really like that line from Bruce Lee. Excellent pick! 8]
A
female
reader, ariel  +, writes (28 September 2006):
 “Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.” ~Bruce Lee
It’s like looking after a plant you need to feed it (h2o, plant feed) and nurture it or it will die. Relationships need work, hard work. There are no guarantees, he could or you could (heaven forbid) be hit by a bus tomorrow. Stop worrying and enjoy your journey together, of course there will be pot holes and bumpy roads but most the time it will be a smooth ride.
You must have liked what you saw when you met each other .Its society, movies and books that tell us how we should feel. We all experience it differently. We learn from our mistakes and hopefully don’t make them again so don’t hold back and give it all you got if you want to.
...............................
A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (28 September 2006):
 Sometimes it takes longer to love one person to the next, with some people love builds up as you get to know them, I think you need to start enjoying this relationship and try to stop worrying about whether it is love yet or not.
Good luck :o)
...............................
A
female
reader, helpful girl +, writes (27 September 2006):
 love well im on love and this is how i feel i feel happy when im with him, i feel really comftorble i can turn to him with every problem, his my best freind, i miss him when i am not with him, i do my best to make him proud and happy his with me, we encourage each other through difficult times. now if you dont feel any of them what so ever it could be that you dont love him, or it could be simply because you havent been with him long enough to feel them feelings!
...............................
A
male
reader, fallenman +, writes (27 September 2006):
 Love is not an emotion nor is it a feeling, love is a movement of acceptance of another. Love is the reciprical vulnerability of intimacy (In To Me See).
Love also is not fully exposed in the early months or years of a relationship.
Love can be sacrificial but it is never a spark. The feeling of a great spark is purly emotional and as you have probably experienced it does not last long. Where as love can last forever.
...............................
A
male
reader, martini +, writes (27 September 2006):
Does it have to be love when u start dating a new person? What can't 'love' be built up over time? I don't believe that love is an automatic thing that happens when two people come together.
That aside, you can be good lovers and great friends at the same time. They intertwine. Everyone has a different feeling/concept of what love is. As whimsical as some may be, and as passionate as others can be, the concept of love works on a spectrum.
...............................
A
female
reader, Donnah +, writes (27 September 2006):
 Love is not a feeling. The dynamics of a relationship is simple. Attraction is first, courting is next, dating and so forth.
Take your time! I was single for a few years before I remarried.
To NEED someone and to WANT someone are two different things.
The person you're with should not be like the air-you need to live. Remember it is a partnership. It is enhancement. It does not take away from you.
If you feel he is like air to you....step back and access yourself. Why are you with him? Are you needy or needing something?
Enjoying one's company is I believe a great direction to start with. Check it out. When you're old and grey...you better like his company! That's all you're gonna get. LOL
Attraction is important but sparks don't last long. Go for the long run, the bright red glowing coals. Keeps you warm longer!
Let me if that helps or not. I was in your shoes at one time, 12 years of marriage exactly. BTW, how long has it been since D-Day? Send me a follow up. This touches home for me. I am married now and this time not giving up so easily. Marriage is hard work these days!
Take care,
Donnah
...............................
|
