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Ever since I came out to my mom, we have had a strained relationship.

Tagged as: Family, Gay relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 March 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 26 March 2011)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, *razybeast writes:

I can't stand it! I feel as if I can't be myself around my mum! Ever since I came out last summer We have had a strained relationship. Before she would ask me about girls and stuff and I know it is an adjustment but now I don't feel I can talk about myself and my problems to her like I used to be able to. We just don't connect anymore, at one point I was considering moving abroad with relatives and finish my education there but I couldnt leave her on her own, if I did go she would have gone off the rails and she doesn't realise how much of her life I'm a part of. I just can't stand this barrier between us anymore it's like speaking to her through a thick piece of glass. I just have no idea how to smash the glass and move on with our lives in a happier way.

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A female reader, natcat86 United States +, writes (26 March 2011):

I totally agree with GeeGee(& i love her hair in the pic). Mom's do love feeling needed. However I would start off with something safer. Such as that you're undecided about your future career or what you want to do with yourself when you're done with school. This is a safe topic in my opinion. Hopefully- and most likely you won't have to wait too long- you will be able to be comfortable enough to ask her if she has any questions (about your sexuality) for you. I'm guaranteeing that she does. She's still trying to digest what you've told her and, though she's most likely always known deep down, she's still got her idea in her head of white picket fences and this news is kind of like you telling her you want a lime green fence. She still loves you dear and always will. Unfortunately this is slightly shocking to her, so you will have to be slow and comforting to her. But trust me honey, she has questioned her sexuality before too. Imagine how shocked I was to find out my mother had her own similar same sex escapades when she was my age. My younger brother who is 22 had the same issues. I'm telling you exactly what my own mom told me about her coming around to my brother's news.

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A female reader, GeeGee255 United States +, writes (12 March 2011):

GeeGee255 agony auntMom's love to feel needed. Try going up to her and saying mom I have a problem and need your help. Start off with an easy one, maybe a relationship problem but nothing sexual and see how it goes. If she at least tries to help you or give you advise then thank her and tell her you don't know what you would do without her. Then the next time you can try something bigger with her.

If she doesn't try to help you at all because she is too uncomfortable with the subject, then don't be discouraged just keep trying until she starts to get used to it.

My guess is that if you could talk to her about anything before you will be able to do it again. You just have to break the ice.

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