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female
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anonymous
writes: Cheating.......Ok, I know that cheating is NEVER ok, and I don't support thouse who cheat, but I have cheated. For the first time in my life.2 days ago, I slept with my best friend's fiance.I am also engaged to be married. My fiance is the man I slept with best friend. That is how we met. Me and my best friend, dated two best friends. I was sooooo drunk, as was he, and I really have NO IDEA how it happened. I have always been somewhat attracted to him, but would have NEVER acted on it. And I dont even remember who started it, or anything. I feel so bad, because I love my fiance so much, and 4 years we have been together and neither of us have ever cheated. I just dont know what to do. I remember him asking me not say anything, and I said I wouldn't and he said he wouldn't...but I just am so afraid he is going to tell her, and everyone is going to hate me, and I am going to be alone. Please someone help me. Or atleast talk to me, as I really have no one that I can tell........
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all of the advice...I still am unsure as to what I am going to do...I have been friends with my BEST fried for over 7 years, and I would never intentionally do this to her, or to my fiance. I also do not want anyone on here to think that I have a drinking problem. This is the first time I have ever been that drunk in my life, and it will NEVER happen again. I normally NEVER drink and am always my fiance's DD, but I decided to drink, which obviously now, was a horrible decision. My stomach has been upset lately, and I am guessing that is probably my nerves, seeing as I WORK WITH MY BEST FRIEND every day, for a SMALL company. I got her a job. I have to look her in the eye, and whether she knows, or doesn't know, either way it will be hard to look her in the eye. I see my fiance everyday, and today she was talking about her fiance. Apparently, the day after this incident occured, he threw out ALL alcohol that was in his house. He told her that he doesnt like who he is when he drinks, so he is going to stop. Obviously this is because of what happened, so I know he feels bad. Both of us love our fiances and would have never done something like this sober. I have learned, as has he. I am just afraid, that even though he promised he wouldn't say anything that he is going to let the guilt get to him and tell her....she had cheated on him 2 years ago, but he forgave her and it was not with his best friend, so the circumstances were different...I am still so unsure of the outcome of this situation, and I dont want to hurt anyone, but my heart physically hurts, and I feel disgusted with myself, and I just know that if I tell them, they wont understand how bad I already feel..............Thanks for any advice that you are giving......and anymore is greatly appreciated. It is day 3 of my life since cheating, and it I think it is all just settling in more and more...as I feel much worse the more I think about it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2006): Hi, i think that you need to be really careful about this and do alot of thinking. Telling your partner that you cheated may help clear your conscience for now but it may not last. you will still feel guilty but you may also lose your partner and your best friend. also the relationship will never be the same again if he decides he can forgive you. it will always be at the back of both of your minds - when you argue, when you have a special occassion etc....However, if you choose to not tell him , you need to make sure you can trust the other guy - is he the type to get drunk n spill all? and you need to put it behind you and make the most of your relationship.this isnt an easy choice to make, but you need to think about all the outcomes.
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A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (27 March 2006):
 I'm sorry to hear that you feel like you have no one you can tell.
I think you are genuinely remorseful and I can tell you love your fiance very much and don't want to hurt him or upset him, but you have done something wrong and you do need to face the consequences.
Either you confess - which clears your conscience and gets everything out in the open and leaves you going into a marriage with no secrets.
Or you shut up about it. This keeps him from getting hurt (provided he never finds out about it) but starts off your marriage with lies and leaves you with a pretty guilty conscience for not only your fiance but your friend.
How you proceed is how you choose, we can offer advice but you have to live with the consequences so choose wisely.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2006): i know what you mean i would never ever support cheating, but it did happen to me to and i know in my heart and soul i would never let that happen again.,but that is something i will have to live with forever. i turn to dearcupid to help me deal with my pain because i would never tell anyone about it not even my best friend.
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