| A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I am engaged to be married. I care and love my current girlfriend but I also may have feeling for someone else. Sometimes I think it may be infatuation but then sometimes I think it is more than that. I haven't cheated on my fiance and I don't want to but I also don't want to end up unhappy because I didn't settle with the right person. I don't know what to do sometimes. On one hand I stay with my fiance and work out our problems and on the other hand I say how I feel for this other person and call everything off with my fiance. I just don't want to end up in something I regret. I honestly don't know what to do.
View related questions:
engaged, fiance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): It all depends on how sure you are about your feelings.
As less as you might like that you have to clarify that first cause YOU are the only one who can really know that.
No one is inside your heart or head, so YOU need to answer that question.
Then there are only two possibilities.
Either you really do love the other one and you know you want to be with her but you just don't have the courage to blow off a marriage.
Then DO IT! Be with the one you love. I was in your situation one year ago I was sure I wanted the other one but I was afraid now I am stuck in a marriage and believe me it's much harder to get the courage to LEAVE someone than to blow off a marriage.
I wish everyday I could turn back time.
Or you know it is infatuation and you're just abit nervous and insecure about marrying your girlfriend. That is perfectly normal and happens to a lot of people. In that case. Avoid the other person and put all your energy into your relationship but also DO take some time just for yourself so you don't feel pressured and overwhelmed by what is happening and might just want to escape far away one day.
Hope that helps.
Take care.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): Dear anon male, I think your possible feelings for this other person are your subconscious mind's way of telling you that you are not yet ready for the huge commitment of marriage!
I read not long ago that the average age for women (in the UK anyway) to get married these days is around 30, so it's probably even higher for males. So, at the age of 22-25, you're very young & may feel you haven't yet had all the life experiences you'd like to have. People haven't even really developed into their adult selves until 25 at least.
It's much better to call a halt to things now & explain to your fiancee that you've realised you're just not old enough & experienced enough yet to make such a momentous decision. Apologise for any hurt you are going to cause her, but it's better surely to break things off now. You don't even need to reveal your feelings about the other woman, because that would probably cause even more hurt.
If you're still undecided, you could always just use Einstein's method of reaching a decision, and just toss a coin! Heads I'll do this, tails I'll do that. If the result you come up with makes your heart sink even just slightly, then you'll know what's the right decision for you.
Good luck!
~Bel
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (22 August 2010):
 If there is any doubt in your mind, do yourself and your fiance a favor and call off the engagement. It's ok to call off an engagement because your mind and heart aren't 100% into it. I've done it and I know there are others out there who have too. If you don't then there will much bigger consequences down the road and an even nastier divorce. The sooner the better!
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (22 August 2010):
 You have to choose one or the other. Whatever you do, don't even think about having both!
You sound like you're more afraid of regret than choosing the wrong person, it's not the same thing.
The choice for me is obvious. You're already engaged, so be with her. Has she shown any evidence that tells you she's interested in someone else? Either way, you're going to have to figure out a way to get over the other person but your current fiancee is already with you! Stick with your fiancee, make her happy, make her smile and have a happy life together!
I hope that helps.
...............................
|
