A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 26 years, and today was my 50th birthday. My husband did not even buy me a card. No presents, no party, nothing. We are in a bit of a financial crunch, but not matter what has been happening throughout our marriage I have always managed to get him a card and gifts, and plan surprise parties for major events like his 50th birthday. I am hurt, and am really tired of feeling like he does not appreciate or respect me. How can I tell him without hurting him? I tend to have problems feeling guilty about everything. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): I think something is definitely wrong and that your feelings are justified. Is he a passive aggressive type man? Does he frequently "forget" things that are important to you or screw them up on purpose and then make you feel guilty for questioning his behavior? In my mind it shows a lack of respect for you as a person to ignore such an important day and you should say something to him about it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): Hey, very best wishes to you, birthday gal! :-)
The big five-o is a pretty big milestone for most of us, isn't it? Sure, things are very credit-crunchy right now for most of us too, but to not even acknlowledge such a big occasion of yours speaks to me of such things as lack of sensitivity & being taken for granted.
Not wanting to hurt your husband's feelings is admirable -- but at a time like this he sounds as if he might benefit from a verbal kick up the whatsits! I think you are the one who has every right to feel hurt & disappointed here.
You say you feel guilty a lot -- could you possibly be suffering from depression? Or at least low self-esteem. Maybe it's time to treat yourself, and I would suggest some of the great books on self-esteem out there, which can be found complete with reader reviews on well-known bookselling websites (not sure if I'm allowed to mention names ...)
Age 50 is a life-stage when many of us are going to appraise exactly where we are in life's journey, and whether our relationships are meeting our needs. If there are other signs that you are being underappreciated, taken for granted, or neglected, then perhaps a reappraisal of that relationship is due.
Good luck, and remember to put your own needs first sometimes! You have a right to do that.
~Bel
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female
reader, chlorr  +, writes (22 August 2010):
Dear Writer,
I can understand where you are coming from completely, and you have every right to be hurt. If you havent already, talking to your husband about this could be a good start, let him know how you feel but don't let it lead to an argument as this is not your intention. Perhaps if you don't feel like you want to talk about it, you could ask a friend of his if he'd mentioned your birthday at all, especially as its your 50th it is a special birthday. You shouldnt feel that this is your fault, not one little bit, this was your husbands doing and you shouldnt blame yourself. Dont let this get to you, but just see how he'd feel if he was in your shoes, I bet he wouldnt like a taste of his own medicine!
Keep smiling,
Chloe x
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female
reader, Logicgirl  +, writes (22 August 2010):
 Look, HE has hurt you. HE has made you insecure. And HE is the one that made you feel this way. AND YOU SAY THAT YOU DONT WANT TO HURT HIM?! HE HAS HURT YOU OVER AND OVER!! HOW CAN YOU JUST LET HIM SLIP LIKE THAT!! YOU DID WHATEVER YOU CAN TO MAKE HIM HAPPY BUT WHY HASNT HE!! THINK ABOUT IT!! Tell him whatever you want to say. Dont be afraid. You-have-to-make-him-see-your-hurt-feelings!! How can a husband not make his wife happy. Just, dont stay silent. Voice yor thoughts and say it to him, straight to his face. Good luck!
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (22 August 2010):
 Is this the only problem in your marriage or does it run deeper than a birthday? Has he never bought u a card, surprise party etc for your birthday? I would be a lil upset as well your 50th birthday is quite a milestone. Have a talk with him, ask him if he realized it was your 50th birthday yesterday, that you're a lil hurt that he didn't celebrate it, a card or dinner would have been nice. Then, he should be making it up to you, which is most definitely acceptable!
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reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (22 August 2010):
 Was this the first time he didn't do anything? Has he celebrated all your other birthdays properly? How about every other occasion? Finance is no excuse for not celebrating your wife's birthday. What about your life in general? What does he celebrate? Does he still take you out occasionally or buy you gifts for no reason? I assume in the past he's been a loving husband since you've been together for 26 years. I'm going to ask you to rethink your relationship and try to figure out what might be wrong. Did he even say Happy Birthday to you?Happy Birthday! (It's still the 22nd where I am :) )I hope that helps.
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