A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Three months ago my boyfriend and I broke up. He has problems with drug abuse and told me he was just going to ruin my life. I love him so much and I keep hoping he is going to change one day and things will work out between us. I can't seem to get over him. I still think about him everyday. I started dating someone else, but I can't get over my ex. Does anyone have any advice on how to move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): I don't know what the relationship was like between you and your boyfriend. Were there problems due to his drug use?
Obviously though, the drug abuse was a problem in his eyes, because he feels it would be better for you if you were not together. Have you spoken to him about this? A relationship may not be easy, but if his drug use isn't too out of hand, then it could be possible.
But I'm assuming that his drug use is out of hand. This must be really difficult for you right now. The problem is, you can't change someone, and you can't put your life on hold waiting for someone to change. Somebody will only change if they want to, and it has to come from them.
I hope this doesn't sound harsh, because I do truly sympathise with your feelings. I was once in a relationship with a man who had a serious alcohol problem. I thought that the strength of my love alone could somehow cure him, could change him. He became a different person, a nasty person at times, and still I thought it could work. But in the end, I had to let him go. He had to resolve his problems on his own. Being together was killing both of us.
I think it helps to try and look at the situation as realistically as possible. Try to use your head, and not your heart. Think about what a relationship with this person would really be like, with the drug abuse thrown in the mix. My guess is that it could be quite scary and stressful.
Also, you only broke up a few months ago, so it is natural that you will be hurting over this a lot. It is still early days. As for dating, I can understand that maybe you hope you will be able to move on faster by being with someone else. But perhaps you aren't ready for that yet. We all need time to heal in these kinds of circumstances. It is horrible, it hurts, we cry, we obsess over what could be. But that is actually a natural process. To try and skip that, and jump into dating if you don't feel ready, will only make it harder.
I would suggest giving yourself more time. It took me a long time to get over the guy I loved, but I did manage to. I had to be firm with myself about not contacting him, and I had to think about the practicalities of the situation. But it did happen. It takes time though.
Maybe in the future, he might overcome his drug problems and contact you, who knows? But I wouldn't recommend holding onto that hope though, because it will only make you feel "stuck". You won't be able to move on if you are constantly in a state of waiting for him. You could be waiting for a very long time. And it might be for nothing. So as hard as it is, keep going, give yourself more time, and try to let him go with love. I really hope things start to improve for you soon. Take care. x
A
male
reader, Leykis101 +, writes (15 September 2009):
 You don't put much info! can't tell if he just used his drug addiction as a scapegoat to get out of the relationship, most people arent strong enough to let go of someone in fear of hurting them, and especially not drug addicts, they are the top tier of selfish people, so maybe state a little deeper info, or elaborate a little more.
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