A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't know what to do anymore...I lost my virginity badly...and then had an older men be my lover because I didn't want the first to be the only. I was 18. The 2nd is 42 and for 3months I ignored him, never spoke to him. But he kept trying...and I answered. Talking to him again made me want to cry because I remembered that awful time and felt worse because I made myself forget and stayed with my first lover. He's so kind, we laugh together, he's always there for me and I simply love being with him-its been 7 months. But now, having talked to the second man, everything came flooding back and I'm crying because I feel guilty, stupid, and completely low. The second man told me he felt lucky being with me and I feel its such bs...course he liked me, I'm younger etc. But I don't trust my own thoughts anymore, I look at my past actions and cringe because recalling them bring on self-hatred and I've been so confident til now. I don't know what I'm asking maybe I'm just looking for someone to understand. Help me
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lost my virginity, older men Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe was so horrible...cursed...I keep that in my head and it stings. I'm sorry that you all went through this too...I can't believe how bad some men can be.
A
female
reader, sarahrose20  +, writes (15 September 2010):
yes i went through something similar when i was 16 he was 40 something. i was staying with a friend of my fathers as he could not take care of me, it was her stepdad. he was a transport driver so he was hardly around but he was always nice and made me feel safe and told me he would take care of me. then one day i was left home alone and he showed up. i regretted it afterwards and i started ignoring him. whenever i got wind he was comming in town i left for a couple days. till he showed up without notice one day and cornered me when no one was looking. dont let this guy message you block him hes only trying to bully you. anyways i left after that and i havent seen him since its been 5 years im over it now. but it took me a while.
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A
female
reader, LoveLost89  +, writes (15 September 2010):
I know what you're going through. I'm 20yrs old and for some stupid reason I got with a guy that was 32. He convinced me of so much and always being happy together. But he lied big time. Older men just say and do things to young women to get what they want and show you off as some prize and don't appreciat what you're really about. Don't give up, believe me people make mistakes all the time. It only makes you stronger. Just know your never alone there are people out there who have been what you've been through.
I am sorry for what you have been through it hurts and that pain never goes away.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2010): I don't agree with the other answer. I guess she thinks you don't have to be responsible for your actions at 18 if you regret them later. (Would she also think an 18yo boy was virtually raped if he regretted a sexual act later? I don't think so!)
Okay so you made a choice you regret now. Everyone does it sometimes. Forgiving yourself is difficult but it is part of life. You did not hurt anyone else with that choice. It's only a terrible thing as long as you see it that way.
Being hard on yourself is only useful to avoid making the same mistake again. Once it does that, it serves no farther purpose to keep being so hard on yourself about it. It won't change anything and it makes it harder to have a healthy relationship with someone else in the future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDo you really? I still feel so bad :( does it ever go away?
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A
female
reader, sarahrose20 +, writes (14 September 2010):
that was not your fault what happened with this older guy. you may not have said no but that doesnt change the fact that he took advantage of a younge virgin who just wanted someone to love. its guys like him that are just as bad as the rapists he made you believe he loved you so he could get what he wated. you did nothing wrong you were tricked like many others your age and younger. your not alone i know what your going through.
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