A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI started seeing a man approx 16 months ago. It started off casual neither of us was looking for a relationship. After 5 mths he decided to tell me that he had a girlfriend back in his country (El Salvador) and wanted to come clean with me cause he was starting to develop feelings as was I.. We both stupidly contined to see each other, me thinking I was strong enough to handle it and continue to see each other and he was having his cake and eating it too. He's very caring, giving and affectionate and not forgetting a great lover. His weaknesses unfortunately overshadow his strengths. Since he lost his job 10 months ago he's been spending weekends and sometimes up to 4 days a week at my place paying me $10 for feeding him which most times I don't mind as I have been working. He doesn't have any goals in life, no aspirations and is very carefree about life. The only think that seems to keep him driven is saving to go back to his home country every 2 years to see his family. We've been away on weekends away and have had our ups and downs however. Approx 1 month ago his relationship with his much loved gf has come to an end. He had always told me if it didn't work out between them he would love to give us a chance. After being on hold all this time, a month after their break up he has finally come to me and has asked me to be with his girlfriend even though he had confessed on the same day that he was still in love with his ex. Initially amongst all the excitement and confusion I answered 'Yes' to his proposal but then I realised how unhealthy this whole thing was and told him I could not enter into a committed relationship with him until he was no longer in lover with his ex and had a clear head going forward. My confusion is this! What I know now but didn't know back then: 1/ Initially he told me he lived with his sister and his mother moved in a month later, Now I know He was always living with his mother and his sister never lived with them, she lives overseas (he lied out of shame)2/ He lied to me about places he went on nights out with the boys to make it sound like he lived and exciting life (e.g., told me he went away for the weekend with the boys Rock Climbing when in fact went into town with the boys) so he says3/ He promised me he would make a decesion re: his gf in March but didn't happen till the end of June4/ He promised me he would have a job by the end of June, its been 10 months now and still nothing5/ He is going back to his home country (alone) in November and does not want to take me with him because he had a bad experience the last time he took a gf. He's an Aquarian like myself and we're both quite stubborn. I know he has some great qualities. My other fear is that I own my own home and I have goals in life however with his laid back attitude I fear he will hold me back from achieving my goals and dreams.What do you think. Does it sound like we will have ongoing issues or can we overcome this?Confused and lost!!Senorita!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, timbo  +, writes (30 July 2009):
You've let it go on too long already. Sounds like you know it too. Let him go and be careful of the next guy.
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