A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:hi im a 20year old women nd very confused! i split from my ex 3 months ago afta 2 nd half years together we also have a little son he been seeing someone else in that time he didnt want 2 know me or his son and now his girlfriend cheated on him he is saying he still loves me and he is nothing without me. my family interfered on our relationship they didnt like him and it waz always hard for him to come up nd see the baby and he worked 6 dayz a week he said he couldn't be with someone if thier family hated him. he wants to get a place together and said it would work if we were living on our own but i dont know wat to believe he said he sick of relationships but then he says he loves me and wants to get back with me but he is always out he never rings me but i still ley him see da baby! what do u think? is he scared of commitment or is playing mind games?
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female
reader, futurequite  +, writes (5 November 2007):
 He`s nothing, if you leave and live with this guy you`ll be living in hell, so please don`t do this, I`ve been there and done that, so don`t even think bout it. You`ll find someone much more worthy of your love no matter how long it takes you to find it. I have a son also and i have been there, the only difference is that i`m 19 but i`m in something similar so i know through my experience listen to you family for guidance they will know cause a family`s love is real love.
You know people do change but not when you`re seeing it right in front your face, its better you seek warning now than begin in a regretful situation later, jest take all the advice you get good luck!!!
A
female
reader, tink123 +, writes (5 November 2007):
 I think you should get your mum + dad 2 look after your son and sit down and talk about and if you think its not ment to be ignore him.
hope it all turns out well!!!
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A
female
reader, Fade878  +, writes (5 November 2007):
 I agree with Irish. With emotionally abusive men-they have a higher tendancy to become physically violent. Most women of abusive men say the emotional, psychological abuse is worse in that it attacks one's ability to cope with stress and differeniate words vs. action.
It is always recommended to look at the actions. Actions speak louder than words. You are confused because his actions tell you he is lying to you, that he is not meaning what he says. The words sound nice and maybe needed but they are not enough. It is the actions of love that take love and solidify them.
He is untrustworthy, unhappy and will only cause you further pain and worry let alone who knows when he will up and walk away from you.
He just doesn't like being alone but does not have the skills and desire to have a healthy functional adult relationship. He knows this and only gets angry and makes further poor choices.
You and your son need stability and your family is right to tell you in love; with your happiness and success and your son's happiness and success in mind when they say NO.
Rely on those who have been there and who are your support. Give your son that stability he needs by listening to your family, staying with parents until you can get stronger, wiser, and independant, and self reliant. When you are self reliant-you don't need to rely on any man as you can stand on your own two feet. No man will abuse you or take you for granted.
He is incapable of being what you want or need.
Stay focused.
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A
female
reader, gmapeaches  +, writes (5 November 2007):
 Well, the old saying actions speak louder than words is prety important here.. what he is saying and what he is doing.. two WAY different things.. it sounds to me like he does not like to be alone. and you and your baby deserve the most important thing to someone.. the fact that you have to ask if what he is saying is true, if he is playing you.. shows that you are not going to get what you need from this man.. plus it is never a good idea to choose a guy least of all a cheating guy over your family.. when my son was born while i was pregnant his father wanted no part of it.. it hurt.. when the baby was born.. he had a change of heart.. his world revolved around that baby and i.. maybe it was guilt. but i never questioned his resolve to be a part of it. to be with me and his son. we were married shortly after.. i am not saying that this guy couldn't possibly have a change of heart.. just saying it doesn't sound like he has.. i can understand that the thought of having your happy family.. you your baby and your babies daddy alltogether is appealing.. but just know that no daddy is better than a daddy who has more important things to do.. you can be all that baby needs till you meet the man who will devote himself to you.. i didn't think a man like that existed.. but you just need to find one that loves you.. really..
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A
female
reader, Irish49 + ♥, writes (5 November 2007):
 So rather than trying to build a solid relationship with your family, and prove to them he is a worthy man with some guts and integrity, he uses his poor relationship with your family, as an an excuse to leave his gf and child?? Now, he has had a bit of fun, got hurt by a cheating gal, and has decided to come back to you and this child?? So now here you sit, confused and lost, because he never rings you or seems to take much interest in building a solid, quality relationship with you...yet...he still "says" he loves you? So where your 'confusion' is coming from.? His actions are not matching up with his words, dear. That alone makes me question his committment to you. Something is up with him. If he wanted to make this work..he would be there, by your side in spite of any or all obstacles. Plain and simple. Sorry to tell you that...I think you should not depend on him for a future..he's incapable of that until he grows up and decides to be a man. Take care and good luck.
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