A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Recently reconnected with an old friend from high school. We've been speaking on the phone for almost 10 months and have been able to spend a little bit of time together as well. We have a lot of fun together no matter what we do, great intellectual and emotional connections, and the sex is fantastic. We've spent time discussing how much potential there is for a long-term future between us, what we would look forward to most as a couple, and admitting that we each pretty much fulfill each other's "wish list" of what we desire in a partner. The problem is that he lives 2000 miles away. He wants to move back to the city where we grew up, (I moved back 2.5 years ago), but has a terrific job that he won't sacrifice for just any job in the attempt to move back. He recently turned down an offer that was $30K/yr less than what he currently makes, carried a larger work load, and wasn't even in his field. I don't blame him for turning it down, even though I'm anxious to have him here. He is still applying for jobs, though being more selective now. We all know the difficult prospects of finding something great in this economy. With the uncertainty of if/when he may be able to move back, we're faced with the need to try and figure out where things are going for us. He has told me that he will be my friend no matter how things end up. He has also said that he cares deeply for me and so he's not ready to say "just friends". He states that this has nothing to do with a lack of desire to be with me and is merely a case of bad circumstances; that if he were here, we would probably ultimately end up together as a family. Of course, he's not here now, so he's told me that he won't like it, but that I shouldn't limit my chances for happiness because of him; that if I meet a nice guy I should be willing to date him. I won't limit myself for the possibility of being with him when things are so uncertain, but am I wrong to leave the door of my heart open and hope that circumstances change so we can be together? Or, should I write off the possibility of a romantic future with him? Does this sound like a polite dismissal or truly a case of bad circumstances and the only adult way to handle them? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (12 January 2009):
 If you really believe you have a future with him then dont write it off, finding someone that you have those sorts of feelings for is so rare and you should try and hold on to it.
Have you thought of moving to where he lives? I know it will be a sacrifice for you but if you could find a job over there then you could ride out this economic situation together and move back to your home town when the job prospects have improved.
I am currently living 200 miles away from the love of my life and we are not together, and I spend every day wishing we were together but we are both too stubborn to give it a proper go and leave our jobs to be together. It kills me every day so if you have the chance to be with the person you love then never give up on that.
If moving is not an option for you either then give it time, carry on the way you have been and never lose hope that one day it will all work out for you both.
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