A
female
age
51-59,
*ftf
writes: Two and a half years ago I met a guy on a message board...it was actually an erotic message board. He is smart, funny, successful and genuine. Our relationship would be nearly perfect except for the ONE thing I never would have expected...the sex is not good. He gets hard easily, but not for long, even though he always orgasms. I didn't even know a guy could cum when he was soft. Sometimes he avoids sex and I know its because he is so worried about "failing". I really love this guy and we are talking about a future together, but sexually, I need more. How can I start a discussion about this without really making him feel inadequate and totally self conscious?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2010): I am going to tell you from my own expierience what is going on. Impotence, ED are just the physical signs of what is really going on and what is really going on is all in his head. You have to get him to feel at ease with you and that it's ok if the sex isn't so good at first because you know it will get better. What you are really dealing with is performance anxiety. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2010): Sounds to me more of a PE. You may want to check these links:
http://www.thefreelibrary.com/Men+With+Both+Premature+Ejaculation+(PE)+and+Erectile+Dysfunction...-a0143064883
http://ezinearticles.com/?Do-Not-Confuse-Erectile-Dysfunction-and-Premature-Ejaculation&id=113041
He probably knows he has a problem, that you don't have to tell him, and if he has been with you for a relatively longer period he probably knows you are very sexual, haven't you initiated sex many times, I imagine, or discussed your preference?
Ideally, I think he should bring this up. You don't mention for how long you have been seeing each other in real life. This could play a part, in the sense that he doesn't know how you will react to a conversation.
The subject is obviously very sensitive, so if you approach this you must begin with some positive feedback and stress the fact that if you are bringing the subject up it is because you dearly care about him and how he is feeling, and your relationship of course. Hopefully he feels safe to tell you more about how he feels and the next step is maybe a visit to the doctor's, and I would hope that comes from him, as a sign he cares about your relationship as well and doesn't shy away from investigating the problem. Until this betters, it could be better if you focused on the intimacy, minus the intercourse, and maybe less pressuring for him, so you can suggest some long sessions of TLC sometimes, where you focus only on touching, caressing, etc. Best wishes.
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