A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need advice on dating in New York City.This may sound really lame to some. I'm 29, and after years of always being in a "serious relationship," I'm single and dating. Which is great, and lots of fun. But I find that I keep hitting the same tripping point.I'm not a girl to sleep with someone on the first date. It's not that I think it's bad, but sex isn't good for me if I'm not comfortable, and I'm not comfortable if I don't know the guy. Some girls can be in it for the physical, and I can't. I know that. So I don't want to do it. Fine. That doesn't mean I'm opposed to *all* physical contact -- we could make out a little, if not on the first date, then on the second, or whatever.But in New York, to get to that, you have this moment, where someone has to invite the other one to "come upstairs." And I don't know what this is code for.I don't want to lead a guy on and have him thinking he's getting laid when he's definitely not. But does "coming upstairs" always lead to sex in real life, the way it does in the movies? Am I weird that I'm 29 and still want to have a time delay between getting to know each other and jumping in to bed? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009): The problem in NYC is that there's no middle ground -- you're either on a public street, with the doorman watching your every move, or your "coming upstairs." There is no just the two of you, "sitting downstairs," with a private, good-night kiss. Unless maybe you live in a walk-up, w/o a doorman, but most young professionals I know need the doorman to accept the packages, dry cleaning, etc. that they're never home to receive, anyway.
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