A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi! I live in England and was quite happily leading a quiet life of study martial arts and contemplation when a girl who had seen me in the street and just so happened to be friends with a few of my neighbors took a massive liking to me and we ended up spending two magical weeks together, great vibe, amazing down to earth girl. Everything seems good right?Except..she was only visiting and lives in Barcelona, to complicate matters further she is an open relationship with another guy. She has been hurt a lot in the past and is simultaneously friendly but also closed, lets no-one in. Her boyfriend sleeps with loads of different girls and although she said she is happy and got used to it I can tell she is not. He doesn't want to give her children (she is 32 I am 31 years old) and I have the strong feeling that once her looks begin to go he will drop her.She is beautiful and strong, first girl I have ever met who was hardheaded enough for to me honest with my past and let her know what I been through. It was a very short emotional time.If it was down to my head I would leave it well alone and let time tell, but I have this rock solid feeling that I need to fight for her, I want to give her what she wants, a good life, children. I wouldn't fuck other women or lie to her about what I was doing, treat her with respect, honour and a fair amount of fascination!The last problem is that I don't have alot of resources or qualifications even though I am excellent at Yoga, fitness, etc I don't have the qualifications. She lives in Spain and went back a week ago. we have been in touch almost every day. She says she likes me and wants me close but..she has a boyfriend. she says she loves her independence and wants to be free. I am a very solitary guy, always been a loner, good with people but prefer my own company usually and being outdoors.I am free. I don't understand how she can feel free in such a messy situation. Anyway, thats the score. Do I risk all and go? play the waiting game and see what happens? Or cut my losses and leave her to it? I would normally just let it go and be grateful for the experience but something deep within is telling me to be with her. What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2014): A good friend of mine was in an open relationship for about five years - she's around your age, a bit older. I always found it difficult to relate to this part of her life - I've never been in one, but I found it confusing, in any case, when she would talk about this very complex seeming set of rules for what was an was not allowed as "open". She seemed very unhappy but also was just brought up to be very obedient and giving, so my feeling overall was that she was putting up with far more than she let on. In the end, she ended it because he started having sex with the fifteen - yes fifteen - year old daughter of his friend AND she later told me it was actually years since he'd had sex with her (my friend) and sometimes she had to beg him for any affection at all. Now she's with someone else, has been for around 4 years, and overall he treats her much better, but he still won't change anything at all about his lifestyle so that they can move on as a couple and live together. She works so hard, is incredibly bright and beautiful and he is a hard worker, but he just won't seem to budge on things like compromising on where he lives so that they can get a flat together. I really feel like she is so used to putting up with much worse behaviour that this seems acceptable to her.Anyway, the reason I'm saying this is that yes, you could 'fight' for this girl but she may or may not be able to appreciate what you are doing and what you may offer her - it really just depends on how much she's put up with in the past and whether she can see any 'better' future - sometimes people really do get used to being treated badly and start to believe they're happy. So that may be that case with her, or it may need time and patience and showing her what she's missing.
A
male
reader, jc2008 +, writes (25 October 2014):
I'll be honest, if she is used to things the way they are she will take a long time to change if at all. I would try visiting her for a holiday first if you are still interested. Seeing her in her own environment might help with with your decision
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