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male
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anonymous
writes: Hey there,thanks for taking the time to check this post.I'm an 18 yr old in the first relationship that has lasted longer than 3 months (1yr+). the pretenses of this relationship are far too complicated to delve into but, readers digest version, We both dove into this relationship, head first, out of comfort reeling from a love triangle we had created with my best friend of 13 years.sounds ridiculous, doesn't itanyway, the relationship started beautifully and i gave my heart and soul to this girl. And little by little she's begun to change. I attuned this to just getting out of the imphatuation state of a relationship and starting a "real" relationship. And me being a naive youngster i didn't think fighting would be part of a "real" relationship. She's since become dismissive to problems that arise. She also has been very critical of the way I carry myself (too depressing, asking too many 'deep' questions)which brings me to my current situation. As of recent i've been going through alot of personal problems and it seems that the only time she'll really break down and be completely nice and compassionate to me is when i'm upset. And recently THAT isn't even the case.I know in her heart that she truly does love me and I know i can be a bit overbearing at times but i just feel a lack of her expressing her love for me when i do it constantlyAnd i'm sure all signs point to dump her ass but sometimes i can see what she gets at, to the point where i think i can change my mannerisms and make her happyIs it wrong to think that I should change for her when I want her to just show me how much she loves me?boy am i confused :Pany words would be INCREDIBLY helpfulthanksomuch
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female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (10 December 2005):
 In a relationship both partners will go through changes, a relationship that lasts will have both partners changing a ways that benefit each other. It is usually not conscious changes, you are both young and are growing up therefore the people you are today are certainly not the people you were a year ago. As you both mature you need to find ways to come together so you don't grow apart. You say that you have been going through a lot lately and while she probably wants to be your shoulder to cry on, it is up to you to not expect her to be your crutch in every "crisis", she may be overwhelmed and that is why she is retreating from your "deep" comments. Fighting happens in every relationship, even the best ones, what seperates the good relationships from the bad is the outcome of the fighting, you need to take the information given in the heat of the moment and use it to help solve problems not enhance them. She may be dismissing problems because she does not feel like going in to them will benefit the relationship, having discussions and arguments about every little issue will often cause more problems than it solves. The best thing you can do is talk to her, while outsiders can give you opinions only she knows what you need to do to make her happy, and only you know how much you are willing to change for her.
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