A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing a girl for a few months now and we've been getting closer in a slow and steady way. A month or so ago she asked me if I would like to fly over to Germany to meet her Mother and stay there for a few days. Naturally, I was flattered and said Yes. The visit was planned for 14th October - this coming Friday!A week or so later we went to a concert and stayed over at a hotel. All was going great until the next day when we had a serious row and both went our seperate ways. The row was a build-up of various things which we had to vent, and to be honest, I said some hurtful things to her and acted like a real ass! A few days later I wrote an apology to her and explained that I knew it was all my fault and would understand if she didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I said that I would still like us to be friends and see how it goes. Maybe some time and space apart would help both of us.She wrote back saying that we should still be friends and would like to keep in touch. So, I kept the contact to a minimum so as not to put too much pressure on her, and as we see each other in work on a daily basis, I was polite and friendly at all times. We talked about work things, music, etc but nothing about us, which has worked out well. It's like we are starting over again.Yesterday, she asked me about going to a concert in November I had bought tickets for some months ago and said she would still like to go to it with me. I told her I still had her ticket and would love her to go with me. I also said I would like to see her at other times to on the odd day off, evening, etc and she said the same. I came away happy that she obviously still wants to be friends and see me out of work.My thoughts are now about the trip to Germany. My GF flies out there tomorrow and I am supposed to fly out there on Friday as planned. However, nothing has been said about this trip and I'm not sure what I should do. Should I ask her if it's still okay for me to join her and her family for the weekend or should I just leave it for now?I hadn't said anything because I didn't know she still wanted to see me, and during our chat yesterday, she said she wasn't sure that I still wanted to take her to the concert!!So, any thoughts about how to do this would be a help.Thanks! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2011): Maybe it would be better if I just sent her a text wishing her a good holiday and saying I'll see her when she gets back?
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (11 October 2011):
 my boyfriend and I have tickets to go to Florida from Maryland next month for him to meet my dad. WE had a terrible fight last month... we got past it... with lots of talking
you need to contact her and make sure she's ok with you coming to see her and mom....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2011): Thank you for your help with this. I really do appreciate it. My main concern is that as neither of us have been in touch since we had that chat the other day, I don't want her to think I'm not interested in going on the trip and therefore might push her away. Like I said in my other post about texting, she's not the best at initiating texts or e-mails, yet at work she will always instigate conversation and be quite happy to chat.That's why I don't want to seem over bearing with texts. So, I didn't get in touch with her after that chat and now she has gone to her Mothers. I suppose, in hindsight, I should have brought the subject up there and then, but then again I suppose if she wanted to mention the trip then she would have done.I am actually going away to Ireland for 5 days next week alone as she will still be at her Mothers, so I suppose I ought to forget about going to Germany and continue with my own plans for next week.I know I'm coming across all needy and obsessive but I sometimes feel lost with what's best to do. The more I think and dwell, the harder it is to see the real situation.Thanks again.
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A
female
reader, Mediagringa +, writes (11 October 2011):
I think you should go for you and spend time enjoying a free weekend. Turning up at her household be over the top, and could have unwelcome results. Maybe switch the cities you're going to, but just do something exciting....for yourself. And examine what it is you're getting from a relationship in which you aren't getting the closeness and intimacy you desire (I read your other post on the texting)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2011): I was half thinking something like that - to go anyway as I was really looking forward to going away for the break. Would you think it would be a bit OTT if I just turned up at the house? I would think my GF would be somewhat surprised!
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A
female
reader, Mediagringa +, writes (11 October 2011):
Perhaps you should go to Germany and just have fun alone. However, if you do so, tell her that you're going and that you're only letting her know in the off chance you might see each other, that way it wouldn't be awkward, and you just want to enjoy a weekend away and not waste the ticket.
Then go and have fun!
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