A
female
age
22-25,
Tamar
writes:I am so confused, I have been dating this guy for a year now and I don't know his parents or where he lives. When I ask he says he and his parents are not close and he would rather not drag me into his mess, he has met my family, we go out to family outings, but I feel uncomfortable, I feel like I don't know him. I am having second thoughts as I feel he is keeping something from me. Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ask oldersister  + ♥, writes (6 March 2008):
 Let me ask you this, you say "I have been dating this guy for a year", does this mean you are not his girlfriend?
I want to clarify this because it's important: To date someone a year where both parties are very, very reserved and taking things at a slow pace is one thing because things are developing slowly and it's not time yet to get family involved(giving him benefit of the doubt). Friends are involved though because if you are isolated all the time together, it's just not healthy and doesn't give you a 3-dimensional view of the guy. This is usually in cases involving religion, some conservative cultures, and often times long distance/online relationships where there are major limitations. Even within these confines, there is growth/progression.
However, most people will be "involved" emotionally and sexually by this time and will have established a relationship, typically a monogomous one. Family and friends know about the relationship and you are exposed to them probably even more than you want to be! Friends, definitely, and you may even complain about some of them!
It is another thing all together when these 2 scenarios don't apply at all to your relationship.
What you have written is ambiguous enough, whether that is because it is an accurate reflection of the relationship or because a lot of really important stuff is being left out! If you are being straight up about it, you are dead on "I feel like I don't know him" and that's a problem after ONE YEAR OF DATING, kinda defeats the purpose, dontcha think?
Ambiguity is not good and you know this or else you wouldn't be asking about it. It's not "mysterious" or "confusing" either. It needs to be clarified(ask him) so I'm right with you on backing your gut feeling! Let me know!
A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (5 March 2008):
 Well its pretty obvious why you would feel that and while nobody on here is in a postion to say he definatly is for sure; from an outsiders perspective it certainly seems possible. It is perhaps worth noting at this point that what he is or isnt concealing might not be with bad intent; sometimes people do conceal things purely with the desire to protect.
In that sense you cant prejudge him and assume it is something bad as such but you clearly do need to bring it out into the open if it is bothering you this much. Just say it quite plainly that this is on your mind and you would like to know more and can handle whatever he throws at you and see where things go from there...good luck. :)
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