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writes: So I am a 17 year old female. And i'm completely straight. And i've never even been remotely attracted to any female...until now. There is a girl at my school, who is a lesbian and has a crush on me, and i think i may have one on her too. But like, its only her. I'm not attracted to any other girl at all. Does this make me gay?! (or rather Bi sexual i suppose) Or is this a natural thing? And i'm not attracted to her as a female, but as a person. I don't know. Any thought on the matter??
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female
reader, marbar  +, writes (6 April 2009):
I know exactly what you're going through. I'm 16, and my entire life I've been completely straight. I spent the night with my lesbian friend several weeks ago, we kissed and I was completely conflicted. I knew I had a crush on her, but it was relaly hard for me to admit it. After a while I actually told her. So for the past two weeks we've been...not dating but...well something. But anyways, on the matter of the sexuality thing I would label you as "undecided" that's what I'm calling myself. I still look at guys and think they're hotties, but I have feelings for her. If you want to talk more, message me. I think we're in similar situations
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2009): My understanding is that your situation is common. What I mean specifically is that women in relationships with (or attracted to) other women typically report being attracted to the person, not necessarily the sex of the other person. So, from that standpoint you seem to be similar to others when you say that you are attracted to her for who she is. Second, it doesn't mean that you are bisexual. If you wanted to label yourself as something, then you could say you are bi-curious. But my belief, as well as the belief of many other feminist and LGBT scholars, is that labels are more problematic than useful when it comes to sexuality. It is a natural thing insofar as it is something that happens more than most people realize (or maybe want to admit), especially with women. Many people have argued that female sexuality is more fluid than male sexuality. What I mean by that is sort of along the same lines as the 'women being attracted more to the individual' thing...and what particular body parts he or she has is less important. So, in short, no you are not gay...or bisexual...unless you want to think of yourself that way. A case in point...it's common for men in prison to have sexual contact with other men, but most of them will tell you after the fact that they are neither gay nor bi.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2009): Maybe you should just keep your distance. The fact that you know she likes you probably has something to do with you now thinking you like her. Could you honestly kiss her? Could you let friends and family know you like her? She is openly gay and i shouldn't think she'd want to be your sectret. Best leave her alone until you're sure of what you want.P.SThere's nothing wrong with being BI, gay or lesbian, just wait and see before jumping in.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell see the thing is it's only her. i'm not attracted to ANY other female...at all. and like. i don't like her becuase she is a girl. its just her. not other girls. like for me, i see a guy and i instantly check him out and flirt no matter what really (i'm very flirty). but with her its different. idk...its hard to explain.
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female
reader, AxelVIII  +, writes (3 April 2009):
 well.. The proper way of saying 'am i gay?' is actualy 'am i lezbian?'. Yes it sorta does mean you a Bisexual. But it's not wrong to be bisexual. Woman understand better than men do. It's ok to tell her that you have a crush on her, but make sure that's how you truely feel first.
hope this helps
AxelVIII
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