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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. We live together and I love him. For the first year or so iIwas totally infatuated with him. He was all that I lived for. We got together soon after my ex boyfriend of five years left me for another woman. As infatuated as I was, I never quite knew exactly what my boyfriend had in mind for our longterm plans as he has never made it quite clear to me, probably because it all started as a bit of fun. Then just after we moved in together, I got a new job and met a man in the office. We got on well, but just as friends. Then my boyfriend started getting paranoid, saying something was going on. It wasn't at first, then it did. We slept together more than once and we both kind of fell for each other. But when it came to the crunch and my boyfriend knew what had happended, I ended it with my office man and stayed with my boyfriend. The thing is I am finding it hard. My office man is just so sweet and will do anything for me. He brought me flowers today as I am ill. My boyfriend went out with his mates to the pub an left me home alone ill. I want to make it work with my man but I just don't know how to get the affair out of my head. Any advice much appreciated!!! :(
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female
reader, MissMo +, writes (7 February 2006):
it seems like you went into your relationship kind of fast, unsure of your destination. you say it started as fun, but now you're living together?
you say you love him... but what kind of love is it when you're having sex with another man and fantasizing about a life with someone other than your partner..?
often, people have affairs because they have some unmet need in their current relationship. this office man is offering you something that your current boyfriend does not provide. your options are to communicate to your boyfriend that your needs are not being met and finding a compromise... OR ... ending your relationship and pursuing things with the other man.
it's your decision... but make sure you're being fair to yourself by not staying in something you're not completely happy with.
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