A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, well first off I am 19 and she is 18. I'm her first boyfriend, her first kiss and everything. We've been together almost 9 months now. She is also Catholic and kind of prude (lets me do things for her but has never done for me, I also haven't asked), but she has mentioned in a conversation once that she wasn't planning on waiting until marriage to have sex with someone. The problem is, she can be a very oblivious and naive person because of her lack of experience. The one time that I thought for sure she wanted to have sex a few weeks ago, she stopped me when I got to her panties. But she may have just been nervous or realized she wasn't ready? I don't know. I really don't want to ask her. I want it to just happen naturally without talking about it because I feel that would be the best way. I feel like talking about it could ruin it and make it less special. But, I also feel that if I were to take out a condom, she could potentially freak out and ask me what the hell I think I'm doing. I really just cannot tell if she wants to do it or not. Do I have no other choice but to ask her? Or should I try to let it happen again? I also want to mention I've only started thinking about this in the past month or so. I've been with her for this long, I do love her and am not dating her just for hopes of sex.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2012): Maybe she just doesn't know what to do. I think you should also approach the subject when you talk to her about being sexualy active. You could also you know, direct her a little bit. Don't force her into anything but you could still try to direct her hands where you want them to be. If she resists don't insist.
I do find it a little bit odd that she lets you touch her but that she doesn't return the favor...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the reply! I will definitely talk to her.
And what you said about her doing things for me, I just find it weird to ask her. We honestly don't do much sexually, because it seems to me that she doesn't think its very important. She doesn't ever ask me to do anything, sometimes I just do. So it would be weird for me to ask her. Is it bad that she doesn't seem to care about that stuff much?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2012): You really need to talk about it. That is the only way to go. Tell her you feel things are getting a little more physical and you would like to know where she stands.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 August 2012):
 First of all, I must say, you sound like a keeper to me. You're considerate of her, you're patient, and you're not pressuring her. That's really great.
Second, while it may feel like not talking about it is the natural way, nothing could be farther from the truth. Talking about things every step of the way is the key to really really good sex, as well as the calming of her fears.
A woman grows up hearing how sex for the first time will really hurt. We also have a lot of value placed on our virginity, so naturally, losing it is a huge thing. Talking to her about it is an absolute must. When she knows you'll never hurt her, that you'll be gentle, and she can voice her nervousness, the first time will be that much more great for the both of you.
Also, you mention that you've never asked her to do things for you? Now's the time! Sexual exploration is about mutual pleasuring. Before going all the way sexually, start down the path of letting her get familiar with what makes you feel good too.
Good luck to both of you!
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