A
female
age
30-35,
*oon river
writes:i've recently broken up with my first love, i've tried to have a 'rebound' and plenty of guys are interested in me but i am really hating being single. I feel like such a failure who will only ever watch it work out for others. He dumped me and told me he didn't care about me, he basically had a go at me and for no good reason. I can see logically that he is no good for me and that i'm better off without him but i still feel so hurt. Any help or guidance would be appreciated. Thankyou Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, JDinCali  +, writes (16 February 2011):
 You're not a failure. You seem like a supportive partner and that's a good trait to have. It's better that he ended things with you honestly, rather than cheating behind your back. You need time, a long time, to be you and do what you love to do or what you always wanted to try. You'll get distracted with discovering new things within yourself, which will empower you. Support groups help, (workout groups, spiritual meetings or a therapist). Just try to keep it 'women only'. When you're ready for a new man, don't reveal your weaknesses within the first 3 months of dating a new guy. Otherwise, you're giving him a handbook on how to play you. Furthermore, definitely don't give up sex during that time either, in fact put it off as long as you possibly can! Once sex is introduced, the discovery part is pretty much over, because everything is based on the honeymooning. Ask yourself: Do you want a partner to stay because of a hormonal addiction or because he knows you and you rock his world.Suggestions on the first 3 months: during the 1st month it would be good to keep dates active and fun according to your interests,(you want to see how men act in teamwork situations and if dates go sour, well, at least you did something and possibly got some souvenirs); be endearing and adventuresome the second month,(like riding roller coasters, Jet-skiing, snowboarding); and then do the romantic dates.Reason being, you should know the person before you engage in sex. Heck, rarely do businesses hire people full-on right away, even companies give a 30 day policy to protect themselves. So should you protect your heart and health. Be well. Enjoy new things. Have fun. :)
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (15 February 2011):
 Getting out of love is like coming clean from a drug. Your body is feeling the loss of oxytocin (one of the three main hormones for love and attachment), and it's like withdrawal.
He may have meant what he said - in which case he already went through withdrawal and is over it. Or he may not have meant it - in which case he did it because it's easier to get past you if you're not around. Either way, he's not worth going back to.
Don't rebound, either, it'll make it worse.
Take your time for now, be single, learn to be happy single. It will give you the clarity to select the right new boyfriend, when you're ready for one.
The feelings will always be there, for your first love, even if only a little. But you can move past them and be happy, and bond with a new guy, given time and patience.
...............................
A
female
reader, cca9130  +, writes (15 February 2011):
I know how a breakup feels, it's horrible and everybody has been through it at least once in their life time. You must be strong and let the wound heal before you try to get a new love and even after that, a relationship like the one you had is hard to get again because there must be a spark and a true commitment and love. It's good you date again and that you realize it's not your fault that you two broke up. As a control freak, I hate this words but they are true: let it flow, be patient. Love comes when you least expect it and it's magical and easy. It will come again for you, I give you my word. Meanwhile, focus on other things like school, or work, friends or family and you'll see that when you least expect it, you'll have a relationship like the one your friends are having. I promise.
...............................
|
