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anonymous
writes: Hi. My sister has been dating a guy who doesn't love, care or respect her in anyway. She has two kids for him. He is cheating on her, lives off her and very manipulating. The annoying part of it all is that my sister is 35 and does not want to see the truth. I just want her to realise that she deserves someone much, much better than him. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (27 March 2005):
 You're a jewel to care about your sister and want to help, but sorry, but there isn't any way that you can phrase "Hey, your boyfriend's a complete jerk" in a palatable way. In fact, by pointing it out, you're going to set her up to defend him - because she "loves" him - and therefore make her even more blind to his faults.It's a lousy situation, but I speak from the experience of being married to a similar kind of man (although my ex was an abuser). Although I complained about him 24/7, I wouldn't hear a word against him from anyone else. It took me 7 years to realise my mistake. She's an adult and it's up to her to live her life as she sees fit. The only consolation is that she *will* eventually see his faults. Only when she's ready to admit that he's a loser, will she walk away. Then you can help if she asks. In the meantime, let your sis know that you love her and support her in her decisions. Tell her that she can always come to you if she has a problem. Make sure that you let her know that you love her AND her kids and that you want to help out if they ever need it. She may not outwardly notice the offer, but it'll stick somewhere in the back of her mind. For later.Be patient. Most 35-year-old-women come to their senses when they see what the destructive partnership is doing to their kids.
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