A
male
age
36-40,
*earatts
writes:My girlfriend and I broke up several months ago after her mother was ill and passed away. At first I was there for her 1000% and we agreed to remain friends. After all she's my best friend. We were together for 6 years by the way. She told me a while back that i need to move on, but I know I'm not ready to. I'v tried to, butwhen I hung out with someone new all I could think about was her. So instead of hurting someone else I decided to not see anyone else. Anyway throughout this entire time Ive talked to her everyday and shared everything about my life with her still. A few months ago I stopped pushing her to try to get back together. I gave up on getting back together so-to-speak. The other day I mentioned being friends with benefits with her and she was up for it. Her and i have always had great sex and I've been thinking about it with her nonstop with her. My question is, is it possible that having a friends with benefits relationship with her able to bring us back together, or is it just wishful thinking? I've always loved her and will forever.
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female
reader, Irish49  +, writes (18 May 2012):
 I have to be honest here and you must realize this: Her relationship with you is just a friendship, now..ther appear to be no intimacy or emotional ties, on her part. You need to detach yourself from this girl and be willing to give up your expectations of loving relationship, once again blooming. She has clearly emotionally moved on and you need to accept that. That is why she agreed to the FWB scenario. Sex with no bond or restrictions. Having a FWB relationship and feeling the way you do for her, it will only serve to drag you down and you will get very hurt, when she dumps you for the 'guy of her dreams'. A lot of times, both or one of a couple, do fall out of love. It appears this has happened here. She broke off with you and told you to 'move on'. But you are struggling..with your emotional feelings for her.
Remember....you truely deserve to be close to someone, to know that you are loved, accepted for who you are. Emotional intimacy strengthens how we value ourselves and it reassures us that we do matter. It's only human to want that. So what do you do.. be "reality-based" ---leave her be, embrace the loss, learn for this and try hard to go forward. You will need time to heal and recover. Detachment is crucial though, because it allows you to eventually 'accept' the break once and for all. Do not date others while you are grieving and pining away for her. Thats not fair to anyone. Give yourself time..you will get over this.
Good luck and be strong.
A
female
reader, Arete +, writes (18 May 2012):
Staying FWB with this girl allows her to keep you around while keeping her options open, or even actively looking for someone she perceives as a "better" option. Are you prepared for that possibility? In the meantime, you're essentially crippling your ability to heal and get past this, because you're still being intimate with her and clinging to that hope she'll change her mind.
I'm not saying it's impossible that she'll get back together with you, but I think in the long run you're much more likely to be hurt. You deserve a girl who loves you enough to be sure about it, so don't sell yourself short on this one. Best of luck.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 May 2012):
 Friends with benefits arrangements are fragile, at best....
Are you prepared to have this girl be available to you for s*x, and then part from you and carry on HER social life... which might also include s*x with another guy? If "yes," then, of course, you can have at it. If "No," then you have the answer to your own question....
As well, FWB arrangements almost always result in one of the participants "falling" for the other in some manner, with some intensity (which isn't matched). From your description of what has gone on between you and this girl, I suspect that YOU are the more-likely to experience "the fall"... and, thereby, incur new hurt....
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2012): Wow, definitely worth a try. You have got the offer of sex from someone you really like, and normally girls get attached more than men so it could work. Some would say hold off for fear of getting hurt etc, but the way I see it, you are unhappy without her so if you can bear being rejected in the end, I'd say dive in and give it your all.
And as a possibility, you might end up a couple.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 May 2012):
 It is very hard to remain friends with an ex. I do not know how or why folks do it. Either you are together as a couple or you are not.
Being civil and friendly when you see each other is very different than being friends. I don't recommend being friends with an ex.
IF you are FWB with her YOU will get hurt. She's willing to do it with you as you are a known entity and she does not have to make an effort to be ON GAME with you. She can be lazy...
It's highly unlikely (like 99% unlikely) that a FWB will get you back together.
If anything it's going to be harder on you when she finds someone else and moves on...
I think that is what is best for YOU is going to be the most painful thing to imagine and that's going No CONTACT with her. Stop dreaming that she will come back to you the way you want. Stop begging (even if it's just in your own mind) for crumbs.
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