A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm having the hardest time right now with my fresh break up resisting calling him, to hear his voice, to hear his humor..he was my best friend and losing him has hugely dented my 'social' life. He was my person I told everything to, and I have no one even close to that besides him in my life. I have tried to reach out to family and old friends but it's not the same and I'm not as bonded with them. It makes me feel like this world is empty without him in it. I thought I would feel to some extent liberated to not have him anymore, but I actually feel like I gave him for what? to find that the grass is still not green in the single world. I'm forlorn and I want comfort and I know I can't go to him for it, as the breaker-upper, but i want to so bad and I'm scared I'm going to be weak and call him. I know I'm supposed to keep myself busy, but I don't have many or want new hobbies, I don't know what to do. I watched tv and uploaded photos all day, and then topped things off with a huge bathroom clean. there's only so much i can do, i feel, none of which is really substantive. any other tips are appreciated
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): The question of why you broke up with him is essential. Even if it was for good reasons, then it is still normal to feel the way that you do.
Grief is good, and it needs to be allowed for in relationships that end. Like a prior poster said, don't look for him in another man though, that is a big mistake.
If your reasons for breaking up don't look so good, and you realize you made a huge mistake, then be big enough to admit it at least to yourself. If the relationship was dysfunctional, then you need to spend time understanding yourself, no matter how much you miss him.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 June 2011):
 Write. It helped me, it's helped me through all my breakups. I get extremely creative when emotionally hurt, because all the feelings are so raw and out there, easily accessible I guess.
I have written my feelings down. Described how they felt, described what's been going on. Writing to yourself, as if it was to a dear friend or a diary. It helps, because you open up and get things out, even if it is on paper or on a text document, it helps! You can read it over, edit it, see things clearer.
Id I was terribly depressed and saw no light at the end of the tunnel, Id write down my reasons to live, my goals in life, things I want to accomplish, things I want to do before I die. Things I have accomplished, things I am good at, things I love.
I could write love stories, fiction, make up characters similar to my own situation and live out my feelings through them.
It helped me, because you get your feelings out, you have something to spend your time on, to dedicate yourself to, and if you write the good parts about yourself and what you want in life it also helps you to see clearer what you want in life. Write down who your dream man is, not your ex naturally. Because a dream man wouldn't ever leave you or hurt you, right? Make up mr. dream man and write a fiction where you meet him and how things develop between you. It's fun.
Although, I like to write, and I'm not sure if thats everyones cup of tea. But it helps me. You can also come here on dearcupid and give advice to other people, that also helps. To feel that at least you gained relationship experience that can now be put to good use.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): I can tell you things not to do , Don't look for him in other men , don't listen to the same songs that you both use to listen to , don't go to the same places you and him went to , put your self on a different path . and don;t be afraid of traveling down that path , listen to up beat music - it is a healer , if you drop a tear - look up and thank God for it , that you got to know the first step of knowing a great feeling in life. It is not the one that let go of you that counts , it is the one that will accept you that will count ... :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): I can tell you things not to do , Don't look for him in other men , don't listen to the same songs that you both use to listen to , don't go to the same places you and him went to , put your self on a different path . and don;t be afraid of traveling down that path , listen to up beat music - it is a healer , if you drop a tear - look up and thank God for it , that you got to know the first step of knowing a great feeling in life. It is not the one that let go of you that counts , it is the one that will accept you that will count ... :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): I can relate fully, I have literally just freshly broken up myself.
Please though, do not go and seek comfort from him!! It will only increase the pain, for both of you, and confuse him as he was dumped. The way I see it, and have learnt the hard way, you broke up for a reason, so it can't be fixed and trying again often (not always) doesn't end well.
What I found helped a great deal was get out a pen and pad of paper, and just sat there and wrote out all my feelings for ages. I wrote out all the stuff i missed and wanted from him and why I wish it had worked out. But then I also wrote out my reasons again for why I made my decision, and then all the things he lacked etc. It helps put things into perspective more. I also wrote out all the things i could think of that was great about being single, and why it would be good to focus some time on myself for a while. including other relationships, such as gaining closer bonds with friends.
Maybe this can be one of the lessons from this... that you shouldn't forget your friends etc when you get into a relationship. I know it's hard trust me, but it's important for if/when it doesn't work out with the partner, to have backup and other people you can spend time and energy on.
I wish you all the best, I know what you are going through xx
Talk to people... allow yourself to be angry, or sad or in pain, and then heal through it seeing the awesome person you are and how great the future you will have, that there is gonna be someone even better around the corner! :)
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