A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just broke up with my boyfriend of two years yesterday. We're both 25 years old. This is my first serious relationship and as such my first heartbreak. The reason of our breakup is because he lied to me again and again and I couldn't find it in my heart to forgive him and to be with him because he's hurt me too much. While I feel somewhat relieved that I am out of this relationship which were full of betrayal, insecurities and jealousy, knowing that this is the end and that we would never be together again or even see him again is so painful that I find it hard to go on with my life. I spent the day deleting our pictures and they brought back so much memories and I just find it so hard to let go.I want some advice on how to deal with a break up. I am feeling such a strong urge to contact him because I miss him so much. I want to tell him how I feel and the feelings and pain that I'm going through. Is this a good idea?What should I do to help me get over him? How can I move on and function and go on with my life? Should I distract myself and pretend like everything's not as bad as it seems or should I embrace this pain and cry my eyes out for however long I need?I'm just to utterly confused about what to do. I've never experienced such hurt and I don't know how to go on.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): Hello,
You have made the decision to break up. You have even started to delete things that remind you of your time together. You may not know this but you are well on your way to getting over your ex.
The next step would be to deal with your feelings. Understandably there will be a mixture of emotions that you need to address before you can move on fully and function as you once did, before he came into the picture. To do this just take a good look at the relationship you had. Be truthful to yourself about how felt during the relationship, you mention that it was two years of betrayal, insecurities and jealousy. Think about how you will not have to deal with those emotions any longer.
If you do not want your ex back then you should not contact him. What do you hope to achieve by telling him how you feel? IF you need to talk about how you feel go to a friend or write it down. You can even write a letter addressed to him, telling him everything you need to as long as you do not send it.
Do not pretend like your relationship never happened. It did and you have to accept that. But don't spend your time crying or feeling sorry for yourself. Quite simply it is a waste of time. What if you spent four years mourning the loss of your relationship? That would be four years that you have lost, that you will never get back.
Finally, read this article. I found it helpful in getting over my ex.
http://www.get-over-your-ex.com/moving-on-after-a-break-up.html
A
female
reader, bootyboot  +, writes (30 May 2009):
distract yourself as much as possible. schedule your days so you are always on the go. play sports, go jogging, hang out with friends, find hobbies that will keep you busy and that you have to focus on. trust me, it makes it much easier.
the relationship is over, he is a bad boyfriend that you didn't need. remember the bad times and how much he screwed you over. get angry. cry. do all the things you need to do to grieve. but don't wallow in it. you feel like getting under the covers and sobbing? You can do that for 10 minutes but then get off you butt and go for a jog. You probably have little desire to do anything, but once you force yourself to move, you'll get into the groove of staying busy.
stay strong sista!
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A
female
reader, CaliGurl88 +, writes (30 May 2009):
Hey sweety, first let me tell you no one is worth your tears. There are a lot of opions to choose from when you break up. In my opinion, both of you shoulda talked about why y'all broke up, if you haven't. If you did then don't contact him anymore. I say you go out with your girls or whatever, go have fun. Yes it is hard to move on, but its better y'all break up after 2 years, instead of 10 years with kids. Think about it. Again it is hard, but everytime you get an urge just tell yourself "no" and try to stand your ground. As time comes it gets easier, you'll probably have that feeling for a while, until you meet someone else. Don't rush into a relationship though, take yr time, have fun, 20's are good years to party it up. Just keep yourself busy and don't talk to him what so ever. A girl should be treated like a queen and cheating, lieing and stealing is something that should never be in a relationship. I commend you for breaking up with him because of lieing, a lot are blind and make wrong choices by staying with them when they lie. So I commend you, but keep yourself busy. If you need anything else just email me back anytime. I don't mind answering any questions. Good Luck.
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