A
male
age
41-50,
*LONSO80
writes:I posted a question earlier saying that my ex GF dumped me almost two months ago, she starts talking to me again recently, and she wants to hang out. We talked last night and she says she isn't ready for a relationship with anyone at the moment, but she wants to be friends with benefits with me. She didnt say it that way but she invites me to her house and I know as soon as I walk through that door we're gonna end up having sex. I still have feelings for her somewhat and It'll be weird for me just to have sex with her and not be able to tell her I love her still. She may not even look me in the eye after what she did to our relatioship. I honestly believe I did not do anything to her.Right now I'm not seeing anyone and I was wondering what u people think about this whole situation; should I go ahead and do it? since I have nothing to lose. or should I just forget about her and put my energy into finding someone else?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): I think that if you are happy with what she is proposing, then there is nothing wrong with going ahead with it.
But you obviously still care about her, and maybe sleeping with her will just make you feel worse. It would also make it more difficult to let go and move on, if that is what you eventually choose to do.
I don't think it is very fair of her to ask this of you. If I was in this situation with a guy, I think I would respect him even more if he put his foot down and said that he wouldn't just sleep with me to make me happy. That's just my perspective though, I'm not saying that every female will feel the same!
This is about you though, and how you feel. It may be that she does want to keep you close in the hopes of rekindling your relationship at some point. But it depends on whether you are comfortable with the situation, and are clear about what she wants.
Good luck. x
A
male
reader, rocknroll  +, writes (28 May 2009):
The final decision will have to be made based on your own feelings, moral beliefs.
If she did something terrible, though you still have feelings for her, this could rattle your sense of stability, knowing that you may not be the only one with benefits. If she is the reckless type, then you could be finding yourself with and STD.
On the other hand, it is quite possible that she does care for you allot as well, just that she knows she has baggage and she needs to work on removing it so that maybe in the future, you can be a couple. She might be trying to keep you close enough that she doesn't loose you to someone else before she gets over her issues. You could also be the best thing shes had in bed, regardless of what I mentioned before, and she want to be single but have the best in bed.
If any of the above scenarios are correct, you need to be able to see there is still a chance for you becoming one, and be strong enough, smart enough, to resist feeling like the wounded animal and toughen it out until time improves the relationship.
You have a tough situation, it is a challenge that you can either accept, which you will grow as an individual and also learn more about the female mental nature, which you will need in the future, almost guaranteed, or you can loose the opportunity to grow into a more compassionate person and also have a very good friend, or have a true partner that you can bond together in the future.
You can look at it in a good way, or you can retreat into yourself with self pity on how tough the world is.
Good luck!
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