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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend of 3 months of whom I am very fond and who has said that he is fond of me has many serious problems (work - been trying to close a major deal for months which would mean substantial commission for him; health: high blood pressure and on high dosage medication; bitter quarrels with ex-wife over financial matters and contact with children).Final straw was when his thirteen-year-old son had a breakdown two weeks ago. Boyfriend said that, it is no personal reflection on me, but he cannot see me again until his son is better. Apart from his intense worry about son, said he has to be on standby in case son wants to stay with him for a while. And can't let son know that he has a girlfriend as son hasn't come to terms with fact that parents have split permanently.In last 2 weeks boyfriend and I have had contact by phone or on net about six times. 3 times I initiated, 3 times he. Last contact was on net 4 days ago initiated by him. He indicated that we still have a relationship, i.e. told me he likes me, that he is copying a film onto DVD for me; said bottle of champagne left over from New Year still in fridge and that he will drink it with me (am I clutching at straws?).Also said that probably son was coming to stay with him for a while.Since 4 days ago no word from boyfriend.My dilemma is: should I leave him alone and wait until he contacts me again for fear of seeming to 'harrass' him in his present state of mind? Or should I contact him. I find it very hard not to have any contact with him. If he doesn't contact me - how long should I leave it before I contact him? E.g. when he and I are both online at the same time and he doesn't send me a message, I find it very difficult to restrain myself from sending him a messgae!Jennie
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reader, LadyTerri +, writes (18 April 2005):
Hi, Something smells fishy about all of this..I mean if he is online at the same time as you and he doesn't send you a message HMMMM???? I would send him a message if I were you. Couldn't hurt. Good Luck :)
A reader, Lolly, writes (12 February 2005): This is a toughie Jennie! It seems that your partner is honest enough, so I wouldn't be concerned about his lack of contact, especially given the situation with his son, which will be draining him of the little energy he has left. I would keep contact to a minium, hard as it is, however I see no problem with contacting him first, particularly if he is online at the same time as you. It might be helpful to send him a quick message letting him know you care and are there for when he wants to talk, rather than trying to engage him in drawn out conversations. Who knows, he might even appreciate the thought!
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