A
female
age
41-50,
*ed Engine
writes:My boyfriend and I have been living together for the past 6 months. I've been unemployed and he works from home so we've been seeing A LOT of each other!Not surprisingly our sex life at the beginning was amazing and very frequent. Now it probably happens about 2-3 times per week. We've had some rocky patches but I thought we'd got past them and things have been pretty good...until I discovered that he's been watching porn at least twice a day and whilst I'm in the next room!Don't get me wrong, I understand he has a need to watch porn (whilst I'm not there!) and I enjoy watching it with him but when he's secretive about it and does it when I'm still in the house, I can't believe he's choosing that over me and it's making me feel more and more gutted, insecure and upset. I'm finding it hard to trust that he's being genuine with me when he's been doing all that behind my back. Basically it's driving me slightly insane.Am I right to be feeling this way? Is his behaviour normal or out of order?
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female
reader, sexyrules  +, writes (17 April 2013):
 Hi I’m sooo sorry you're going through this because I am too. I think porn is horrible. You’re single but it’s as addictive as any drug for some people and the more they watch the more and more extreme acts he wants to/have to see until even hot hot hot real sex with a beautiful, flesh and blood willing woman and not a paid actress? /whore taking it up the ass from 3 different strangers and ending in a facial circle jerk with a donkey doesn’t seem exciting anymore. All I can say is I feel your pain it’s so wrong.Lose that jerk Find a guy who loves REAL sex as much as you do and makes you feel as sexy as you are hunny!!!Then while you are having REAL sex w/ your super-hot-happy new boyfriend think of that jerk you left with his thing in his hand watching porn and wishing you were there
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): I feel like sometimes my bf might watch porn instead of coming to me, because I'm not always in the mood. He has a very high libido and for me, it's sometimes hard to keep up with him. Or, he may not want to work at sex and foreplay at the moment, and just wants to...relieve himself. I can honestly understand that. If you guys are still having good sex 2-3 times a week, that's not bad. But if you feel like you want more, I think telling him that should make him pretty excited!
If you're just feeling insecure that maybe he would rather look at other people doing it, rather than looking at you and doing it with you, maybe you should consider how he usually makes you feel..like, does he compliment you often? make you feel sexy? My bf makes me feel sexy all the time, so that's why I wouldn't necessarily feel that way. But maybe your bf isn't giving you enough attention in that way? Maybe next time you catch him watching porn while you're there, walk into the room wearing something hot, and join him! Afterwards, tell him you'd like to join him more often if he just lets you know when..or joke about how sneaky he is.
I feel like it's easy to just say "you need to talk about sex", but talking about it often puts a damper on your sex life. Mentioning it casually or jokingly is better, I feel, unless you seriously have an issue about porn. Also, have you considered that maybe it's just what he used to do at home before you were unemployed? He might just have a routine. And, like I said, it's just less work to jerk off than to go into all-out sex.
Hope this helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): No you have a complete right!! I think that it is way out of orde's doing it especially when your in the house! The way I see it is it's not worth getting inseure about it you need to act confident around him and a bit like you don't care about the amount you have sex with him! I think that next time he wants it you should just turn around and say goodnight.. turn the tables a bit! It deffinatly ISN'T worth you getting insecure about you are oviously better then that! Just hold yur head high and remember you are a beautiful woman who deserves more respect! I think you should talk about the situation with him and tell him how you feel... if he doesn'e stop bin the videos and block links on your internet to make sure he knows your serious! you deserve more respect. Best of luck x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): I think you have a right to be upsetting that he is neglecting you for the porn. When you are there, he should want to be with you instead and when he starts to get those urges, he should be coming to you since you are right there.
If you haven't told him how you feel, then you definitely need to do that. If you haven't then he probably has no idea it's bugging you and therefor will not stop. If he doens't stop becuase it's bugging you, then lay down the law. Tell him that if wants to be in the relationship with you, he will discontinue making you feel insecure and unworthy, because that is not how people hwo love each other should make each other feel. If he watches it while your away, that's fine, ubt while you're accessible is unaceptable.
If he doesn't care how it makes you feel and doesn't listen to what you're telling him, then find someone who will.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): 2-3 times a week is about right for your age group. As far as the porn that's a whole other issue. I think he is either A: addicted to it or B:just a dumbass. I'm a 39 year old male and I absolutely love women. All shapes and sizes but porn is just a waste of time in my opinion.I'm not saying that if never watched porn because I have. But I have better thing to do with my time.
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