A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My exboyfriend (25 years old) of 2 years unexpectedly broke up with me (23 years old) recently over the phone and I am completely devastated. I met him when I moved across the country 2 years ago for graduate school and things were great. I was really lonely when I first moved there, but as we continued to date, I felt so secure with him. He introduced me to the area, I met his parents, I went to weddings with him etc. We had really great memories and traveled all over the country together as well. We did however, hit a rough patch in the relationship when he was confused because he had reconnected with an exgirlfriend. He honestly felt like he loved us both. Not wanting to be involved, I left him and we separated for about 2 weeks, and then he contacted me again after sorting out his feelings and he told me that he would prove himself to me. I gradually let him back into my life and we continued our relationship. Our relationship was fine, but since that incident, I did change a bit. I was still hurt by it, so I developed some insecurities that fueled arguments for the next 6 months. He knew that I had a right to have some trust issues, but later on in the relationship he said that I really needed to address my insecurities because I had become needy sometimes (I was never before). Unfortunately, my younger brother became ill and I had to take a term off (3 months) from school to live at home and help out my family. Our relationship became long distance but I still managed to fly back to see my boyfriend once a month. My boyfriend wasn't happy about the decision, but he assured me that he would be there for me during this time when I really needed him. Long distance was a new concept to us so it was difficult at times because we didn't communicate as often as we used to. Regardless, I thought things were fine and he even considered flying to see me recently. This past valentines day, we video chatted as usual, and he sent me a gift with sentimental pictures and a note saying that he was thinking of me, wishing that I was there with him, and looking forward to making up for lost time. 2 days later, I was on the phone with him and noticed he was distant so I asked him what was wrong. He took a deep breath and just blurted that he felt our relationship had ran its course and that he wanted to be single. I was so in shock and upset, so when I continued to ask for more of an explanation for his irrational behavior, he rushed me off the phone by saying that he didn't want to stay on the phone with me guilt tripping him and trying to change his mind. He also said he knows he might feel regret and slightly cried. I was in shock, at that moment, I couldn't even recognize him, and we said a quick bye and hung up. I'm still in denial. I keep replaying our conversations and nothing just makes sense. Why would he completely do a 180 in 2 days, when I have done absolutely nothing? What makes things even worse is that I'm flying back in 5 days (and I was really looking forward to seeing him). Since the conversation, I've had no contact with him, but I am in complete despair. I need him so badly right now with everything at home, and when I return back to school soon I'll feel so alone. Does anyone have any advice for me about this situation? I constantly think about getting back together with him, but I am so hurt right now I don't know how that's possible. Please help me feel better.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 February 2012):
 The key phrase in your submittal is this one: "...he felt our relationship had ran its course and that he wanted to be single."
That is guy-talk for: I liked the sex that we shared... but now, I'm not up for doing what I need to do to continue having that sex (Perhaps he's gotten a little bored with you.)... so I'm going to try to find (or, have ALREADY found) a different girl who will put out for me.
I hope this interpretation is helpful....
Good luck....
A
female
reader, OscarsMummyReturns  +, writes (19 February 2012):
he obviously couldnt handle the distance, perhaps it was a moment of madness and frustration for him, maybe hes thinking the same - can you ask to meet up for closure when you get back after all 2 years is a hell of a long time i think hes owes you that.. perhaps if you talk you may get things back on track?? I personally wouldnt be happy if for 2 weeks he thought he may want to be with someone else, i couldnt go back from that and if he couldnt understand that thats his fault, seems to me he wants to have his cake and eat it, he wants everything his own way? try to meet and discuss, but i wouldnt put all my eggs in one basket now even if you do get back together have other friends and hobbies dont be so reliant on him, get involved in as many activities as possible, keep us posted and keep in touch with you dear cupid pals when you get down, ask for a chat but dont beg.. if he says no then be the strong woman you are and move on xx
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