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Boyfriend talks down to me, treats me like slacker..driving me nuts!

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 June 2009) 1 Answers - (Newest, 26 November 2011)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Help! My boyfriend is driving me nuts. We've been together near 2 years. We've lived together for one. He's very OCD and I am pretty laid back. He constantly nags at me, as though I am some lazy, unmotivated slacker.

This is because, I quit my job a few months ago, on the spot (it was an extremely hostile environment and I tried to hang on). Fortunately I had money saved up and have never had to ask him for a dime and could / did take care of myself. Yes, I admit it wasn't a well thought out plan and I understand the thoughts that would run through anyones mind when their partner makes a decision like that.

I quit in February and started school full time in March. I'm finishing up finals now and I also just accepted a new full time, normal job (I do already have a college degree, was trying to expand on things and possible change career paths). I still intend on taking some classes while starting my new job. If anything, worse comes to worse I have a few science courses out of the way if I need them. Big deal. My former job was hands down an awful experience.

I'm just so freaking annoyed with my boyfriend. While in school he constantly under-estimated the work involved with being a full time student, would say "oh you're only taking a few classes". I was taking Phyics, Chemistry, Medical term and an CPR class. That's great if some people can do it all but those classes were more than enough for me, especially the Chemistry and Physics. Not to mention, it wasn't financially affecting him any different than before I started school. I understand the pressure involved on his end.. feeling like he has to support me but I was paying my own bills. I do understand its more than just that. I get it.

The entire time I was in school, he kept making feel like I needed to get a job and to grow up, why am I back in school kind of thing. So, as I'm finishing up this quarter, I felt the pressure to get a job and forgo the school thing. It was hard to focus when he kept giving me a hard time. I'm taking finals now, and I've already earned 2 A's a B and I have my Physics final tomorrow.

We had a huge blow out fight about 2 weeks ago and things have blown over and we resolved them but I kind of resent him for some of the things he has done and said and I am so sick of him talking down to me and treating me like I don't have it together.

No one is perfect and he is lucky (he earned his position) to have an extremely flexible job that pays well. He's very goal oriented and as I mentioned very OCD. I'm extremely ambitious and much more of a risk taker. I'm an extremely hard worker in a professional setting. I just hated my job and couldn't easily switch out of the industry I was in and just switch into another.

So, my new job is in the same industry that I left. It's not exactly a job seekers market right now. I feel like this job will be better but I was trying to do something else. I will just work and take a few classes at a time.

My question is, how do I handle my boyfriend talking down to me all of the time? Every time I address this with him, he blames me and acts as though I deserve to be blamed. I am just so sick of it. He is very egocentric and very accusatorial. He's very stubborn. I don't want to give up on him but this has to stop. We've had many talks and now, I am the one who does not want to sound like a nag.

View related questions: ambition, money

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2011):

Hey, I'm a 23 year old female and I'm going through the same thing...

I wish someone could just point me in the right direction.

My boyfriend talks down to me and it seems everything I do for him

Is just under par or I forgot this or I forgot that... I also want to to to tschoolin the fall, I quit my job for him moved into his house away from my hometown family and friends.. we live around NOTHING. He has never been to school and can't understand how taxing it is whole your thwre. I major in chemistry and he has no idea the heart that goes into my studying. Besides changing my career path so I don't have to be in school longer than he wants me to.. he wants me to go for my masters around here and If I don't get into one of the four schools arouns here either don't go to school or don't be with him is the ultimatum.. w.e. I

love him so much and he's the only guy I wana b with id do anything for ... I don't tink he knows how good he has it with me.. idk what to so but I'm on breaking point with him... Lately its not only that but he talks down to me. Idk what to do. Fml.

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