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Boyfriend is bothered by our gap in ages

Tagged as: Age differences<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 April 2010) 5 Answers - (Newest, 6 April 2010)
A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:

my boyfriend and i have been together for nearly 6 months, not long admittedly but its been a pretty intence 6 months.

we met in uni halls so weve lived together longer than weve been in a relationship and we plan to move in together when we have to leave halls (in may)

im 18 and hes now 27, he was 26 when we met but since his birthday 2 weeks ago hes become distant and our once healthy sex life has dwindled to nothing.

he admitted last night that he loved me just the same but now hes 27 and im still 18 the gap is starting to bother him and he doesnt know if that will change after my birthday in may.

the gaps never bothered me and it didnt bother him until his birthday.

weve been though a lot together and i always thought that if we could get through that then we can get through anything.

im praying its just a rough patch and we'll get through it but what if we dont?

and what if it just gets worse after we move in together? we dont have much choice in that as we cant afford to live seperatly and we dont have anyone else to live with, we do both want to live together and are getting excited about the house (which is now almost ours!) but this is putting a downer on everything. all he says is 'nothings wrong' or 'i dont know what to do' which is exactly the same as when i had the miscarriage after xmas last year, hes never been one for expressing feelings but how can i help if i dont know whats wrong?

any advice? xx

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A female reader, advice angel United Kingdom +, writes (6 April 2010):

advice angel agony auntsorry about your break up but if you's are gonna stay close friends thats really good luck,well done :) xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

hey guys, thanks for all the help. i showed him what you said but it wasnt ment to be. we borke up last night, mutualy thankfuly and were gonna be really good friends like we used to be, were not gonna live together which leaves me a bit stuck but he said hed help me out with any costs not that i want him too but the offers nice. he said if i hadnt lost the baby things mighht have beenm different but i dont think they would have. in the end were just better off friends and although its hard now i know we'll be better off in the long run. thanks again xx

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A female reader, advice angel United Kingdom +, writes (6 April 2010):

advice angel agony auntAge doesn't matter!!!

age is just a number to me,if 2 human beings love each other then why let age get in the way?

hes admitted to you he loves you,so you tell him you love him and say age doesnt matter,its a number,i love you,you love me,thats all a relationship needs

:) your love will blossom and your age just drifts out the window,good luck on your new house and have a wonderful life together 3

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A male reader, UncleDoug United States +, writes (2 April 2010):

Hi,

There are a couple of reasons I can offer about why your boyfriend is suddenly sensitive to your age gap. First, he may be responding to a comment made to him by a peer, parent, or other individual with whom he has a mentor relationship. Second, he may be responding to something you have said or some action you have taken. Either way, you should speak candidly with him and ask him exactly why at this time is he so sensitive about the issue. For your own peace of mind I suggest you create a residential back-up plan in case you two do not successfully resolve the issue. Obviously things are precarious at this time and moving in together when your feelings and devotion are in flux is perhaps unwise. I reluctantly and gingerly raise the issue that you may also wish to examine whether he has remained with you out of guilt or pity concerning your miscarriage. You have many issues to iron out but if you take the time now and deal with them to your mutual satisfaction then you will be setting a firm foundation on which to move in together (pardon the pun.) Good luck.

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A female reader, Tasmanian devil United Kingdom +, writes (2 April 2010):

Tasmanian devil agony auntI think him turning 28 is making him realise hes not that young any more and should settle down (this is quite common near the 30 age for some people) and you being 18 are still young and have so much to experience and see. But if you truly love each other you'll get over it, you are kind of comitting by living together and moving in, maybe he just needs reassurance.

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