A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Man meets woman at work.There is serious attraction on both sides. It cannot be. Both married, age difference, etc. The friendship is ended on good terms.Both look to their marriages.What happens to those feelings in time? Those of you who have been there please let us know.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008):
Hi Pat,
Thanks for your post dated 24 May 08.
If you go the route you seem to indicate, you will surely face destruction hell and heartache.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): You're situation sounds so familiar I just had to write you. This guy and I at work have been strongly attracted to each other for months, and our situation has escalated to the point where we hate weekends because we miss each other as we don't work Saturdays and Sundays. Just being around each other feels good, and we get panic-stricken when we don't know where the other is.We haven't had sex yet, or even kissed each other, and believe me there's nothing I want more that to wrap my arms around him and make wild and passionate love to him!! We are both married, he has a baby and there's alot at stake; we'd have to be certain of not getting caught before things escalated to intimacy between us. It's worth it to me to go on as we are, just knowing that we want each other.I feel guilty for deceiving my husband for I think about my guy all the time, even when I'm with my husband and yet I somehow manage to function normally with most things in my life. I feel guilty for my guy and what he must be going thru as well because I think the sexual tension is worse for a man. (I hope more men reply to your question).There are quite a few years' difference in our ages but I have come to believe that when it comes to an attraction, age doesn't matter.Jealousy becomes a factor because we haven't had sex; we tend to think that someone else will end up satisfying our desires, momentarily forgetting that we both have partners at home, the major reason why we haven't been intimate. If I can't have my guy, no one else would do.In all honesty I don't feel qualified to advise you on what happens to the feelings because I'm a woman and I do believe it's different. In my opinion, You really need advice from other men who understand what you're going thru.Write me back if you want.RegardsPat
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A
female
reader, Madame M  +, writes (23 May 2008):
You are a good man if you decided to choose your marriage over a fling, you have protected your family and also the well being of the person you were attracted to.
Many of us married women who meet married men of your age find--a bit too late--that they are perfectly willing to cheat and that is an incredibly difficult situation to be in, if they have come across as respectful and appropriate at first, in other words, "safe." Evidently you actually are a "safe" person, which is rare and valuable. That is probably a lot of what your friend found attractive in you. If you had shown yourself willing to cheat with her, she would have been seriously disappointed, even if she had wanted to. So you have done the right thing, congratulate yourself for that and treasure the memories of a friendship that wasn't ruined by crossing the boundaries. Things could have turned out to be so much more complicated and difficult for all four of you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (23 May 2008):
 Those feelings get put into a little keepsake box in the memory, occasionally taken out and contemplated, with a smile and a great deal of wistfullness, then put back in the box, until needed again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): Yes, i have been there in the past, and it was a long time ago. It had to be ended, age, marriages etc. I just went home, cried my eyes out, without being caught and settled down and got on with life. Took up several hobbies and kept busy. Took each day as it came and never tried to think back or to what ifs. Its not easy but it is something that had to be done. Forget and move on. Use it as a learning experience.
take care
xx
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