A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi cupids, advice needed.After a horrid start to last year (splitting with ex due to him cheating while I was having our baby) I met someone a few months after who's a really good guy. We've been together now 3 months, see each other 5/6 times a wk, sex is amazing, we click! Only thing is I don't know where I stand in terms of a relationship. I have asked him if we are and I've never gotten a straight answer.He cares a lot, rings me 5 times everyday, friends tell me he's said he's smitten, we've met each others family. He does have issues opening up with his feelings he admitted that. How can i get him to open up and say what we are as at the moment its like drawing blood from a stone. I'm old fashioned, I don't do this 'seeing someone' lark, I'm either with him or I'm not, there's no grey area. I told him this when we first met but I think he's ignored what I said! He hasn't established if this is a relationship or not yet. Help.... Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (6 January 2013):
 He really doesn't have to "open up".... since YOU have agreed to be his "girl" regardless of what he does....
This is the classic story of a guy not/never making any kind of committment to a girl until/unless SHE forces it.
I suggest you force it....
Good luck....
A
male
reader, coolrunnings +, writes (6 January 2013):
Okay..lets look at this phrase,'How can I get him to open up and what we are...'
You are quite right to want to know what's what. You like the security of knowing where you stand with someone you like/love. But he just won't say the words....
So you try to MAKE him say.
having tackled donkeys before (in the Caribbean) I can assure you that the more you pull the rope the more resistant a donkey becomes. Trust me, guys are the same.he can sense when its one of those 'moments' and he will always freeze up. it might not suit your purposes but it might just be his way of not saying something he doesn't genuinely feel.
Or... he feels it and wants to say in his own way and in his own time. yeah...you dont like waiting.
So, here are 2 bits of advice:
Tell him very quietly and calmly that you understand he doesn't want to be forced or made to lie (and that's to his credit)but you won't wait indefinitely. Set a reasonable deadline to know how he feels and stick to it. be clear what happens after that time.
Secondly, leave the subject alone once you've said your piece. going back to it is simply making your wait even longer.
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A
female
reader, Hurttohell +, writes (6 January 2013):
You deserve better. He might be leaving it open to get with others or to have the possibility to do it in the future.
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