A
female
age
36-40,
*mw25
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years for the first couple of years we got on great we never had a crossed word and we fell deeply in love with each other. But for the last year our relationship has been very up and down and my boyfriend belives that he is no the one for me anymore , but i keep re-assuring him he is the one for me. How can i convice him otherwise or is this really the end for us? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Ifyoudontmind  +, writes (31 August 2009):
Love can fade, it kind of ebbs and flows. If its 0n a down swing its just one of those things you have to wait for things to come back for.
If he really feels like you could do better thats his insecurites speaking. Either that or sad to say, he may be saying that as a means to make you leave him. He may want out.
I cant say for sure. You clearly care about this guy. Let him know in more ... obvious ways. Surprises and things of that nature. Show him your care. No need to be insecure.
-iydm
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (31 August 2009):
 You can't convince him. He has to know for himself.
I am concerned that he is sliding back and forth on the issue. The one thing I hate to hear from someone that I truly love are words like "I don't deserve you" and so forth. When I hear that, I know there's a heartbreak on its way.
Every time I have heard those words, without fail, nothing I said to the gal, NOTHING, ever changed her mind no matter how much love was shared.
In your case, his problem is that he either does not feel like he can commit to you, or worse yet, he feels inferior to you. If this is the case, you have to work on his self-esteem and build it up gradually. But again, its what he in his heart wants and knows.
So the easiest answer to this dilemma is simply look at him and ask him what kind of doubts he has.
The only other alternative is that he's still in love with someone else and because of that he feels he cannot devote himself to you. If that's the case, you are competing with someone for his love ... and you are losing.
To fix this situation, you are going to have to get him to open up as much as possible to you. And he has to be honest enough so that before he hurts himself and you, he can look at you right in the eye and see for himself what has been there, wonderfully, right in front of his face. Perhaps then he will notice how much he is loved and try to accept you as "the one".
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