A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Lately I have come into contact with many people who believe that sex is expected after the 3rd date. Since, I have asked some of my friends and other people I know and 3 seems to be the magic number. In some cases, people said they would not have sex before the 3rd date but would agree to have oral.I know the women out there might say that you should have sex when you are ready, valid advice. However, the question is: when do you think sex is expected? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, mytwocents +, writes (23 June 2009):
 I think the 3rd-date rule is more cliché than anything else these days. There is no magic number.
I dated ONE girl that made it laughably obvious that she was adhering to that rule. It’s actually a cute story--at least to me--and has a moral at the end.
--
On our second date, “Melissa” was ALL OVER me. I mean AGRESSIVELY. Rarely, as a man, do you get a green light clearer than this. So, naturally, I made a graceful move toward sex. She was attractive and obviously a nice girl that didn’t throw herself on just anyone. She kindly told me she “wasn’t ready,” a statement I fully respected--so I backed off. But she went right back to devouring me. Puzzled, I went along with what she was doing. Everyone is different, I told myself. (I confirmed later that she didn’t have her period, in case you’re wondering.)
Three days later, I’m watching TV at home and I decide to call her for another date--our third. But, during the course of the five-minute conversation, I inevitably asked what she was doing. She quickly replied “nothing” and offered to come over to “watch TV with me.” How could I say no? She lived 15 minutes away, and was at my place in like 16. She walked in, dressed up like she was going out, and sat right on my bed (which was in the middle of my studio apartment) and looked up at me with a look I only WISH I could get from my current girlfriend. It might as well have been written in words on her big hazel eyes, “tonight, I’m all yours.” As you can probably tell, this is still a wonderful memory.
Still, I tried to play it off as a gentlemen. I grabbed the remote, a few movies, sat next to her to ask her what she wanted to see. No sooner had I placed my butt cheeks on the bed that she was on top of me with the same ferocity as the last time. Using what could only be described as a wrestling move, she put me on top of her. She started to take my clothes off and slid out of hers. Needless to say, we had sex soon after that.
I never said anything about that whole incident, but months later she made some reference to someone else going out on their 3rd date and basically winked and nudged at me, as if to say, “you know what THAT means.”
--
So what’s the moral of that silly (true) story? Sex is “expected” when there’s a certain amount of comfort between the two parties. For better or worse, girls usually drive this process. Many guys are “comfortable” enough to have sex pretty quickly. So it’s all about her. If a guy feels like you’re comfortable with him, he may start to think, if not “expect,” that you will have sex with him. With Melissa, I thought she was comfortable enough on the second date. I was comfortable enough too. But, she decided to adhere to some silly rule that she knew.
I think most guys are sophisticated enough to know that this can happen in three dates, in nine dates, or in one magical night. The better ones will use their intuition to figure it out.
A
female
reader, kaylagal +, writes (22 June 2009):
 It all depends on what you're looking for.. If you're looking for a friend with benefits or one night stand, then it's expected day 1.
If you're maybe looking for a sex but don't want to come out like a loose gal with no self-esteem then 2nd or 3rd day.
But if you're looking for a relationship, it has to be 45 - 90days..
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): We live in the era of "Sex in the City" and other similar shows that lead us to believe that casual sex is the most common practice of singletons....and, unfortunately that reality is probably pretty realistic. (Life imitates art.)
Most of the single people I know will have sex after 5 dates or less (5 dates would be the hard to get scenario). And, like you said, I know many people that regard oral sex as casual as kissing, and thus do so on the first and second date.
So this is reality. Make your own choices though and be safe!
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A
female
reader, citris +, writes (22 June 2009):
 Sex should never be 'expected' and anyone who thinks so...well I'm not sure they're someone I'd want to have sex with anyway. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and we didn't have sex until we'd been hanging out/seeing each other for almost 2 months. That was definitely more than 3 dates.
Sex is a personal decision between you and your partner. If you're not ready to have sex with someone new and they're not willing to give you the time you need, are they really someone you want to allow that kind of access to your body? I suppose as a general 'rule of thumb' after 3 dates you should have some idea of whether or not you would have sex with someone or not, but actually doing the deed? That's another matter and entirely up to you. In reality there is no hard and fast rules about sex, only that it should always be consentual for all persons involved.
Hope that helps! Best of luck!
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