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anonymous
writes: I can't seem to ever say no. As soon as I met a guy I will sleep with him as soon as he starts showing signs he wants me. I love the attention and I just love sex. Although I don't go around telling my friends who I have and haven't slept with, they are making fun of me behind my back about my sex life. I really don't know why I do this. I really want to have a good relationship and not sleep with all these guys. But I just can't seem to help myself. I think I am a sex addict. What can I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2005): Do nothing!!As long as you are sure you are happy about having sex, then why not?Two words of warning, though,remember, men see sex differently to women ie:sex is no guarantee of a relationship, so tread carefully, especially if you are keen on a proper relationship with the person in question.There is no right or wrong time to have sex, it seems silly to suggest that after, say, 10 dates, then sex is ok?Also ensure that you are discreet, as we can see from the answers here, not everyone shares the same view!You are old enough to decide for yourself what you percieve to be right and wrong, rather than following some stereotypical ideal.This means it may be best not to discuss who you are having sex with with friends, and possibly require you being very coy indeed, should anybody ask "How many lovers have you had" (nobody's business but yours)Finally, be very very wary of sexually transmitted infections and of course, pregnancy.Some stds can be passed on even WHEN using a condom, like lice and herpes.Some of these don't show up much on the man, either, but when you get it you know all about it.Herpes has no cure.So the moral of the story is, enjoy, and do what you feel, but always take care and safeguard your own feelings ,interests and health FIRST.Louisa xx
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reader, kirstie +, writes (6 May 2005):
You're going to get a name for yourself if you don't stop and calm down.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2005): Maybe I did not explain myself as well as I should have. After reading the first answer that was given to me. I again was tooken back. I am a 28, single women with no children. And I have only sex with 8 men, all of which I had relationships with, but I did sleep with them only after dating a few times. And I have never cheated on any of them. Things just never seemed to work out, and I would break up with them. They have not ever left me, I left them! And as soon as I meet someone else I would sleep with them after knowing them for only a few days. I just don't know why I do this. I understand that maybe I have no self worth and I should wait to have sex with them till after I have gotten to know them better, I just want the sex as much as they do. I have not slept with the last two guys I have dated. But my friends are saying I have. This is what hurts me the most. I do love sex and I love having that feeling of having someone to have sex with and no relationship. I guess that makes me more like a guy! who are not considered sl*ts huh? for doing just what I want to do. I am afraid that I have addiction to sex and that I is what I am not sure of what to do about! But as I will say I did not explain myself as well as I should have! Maybe this was just stupid to ask perfect strangers anyway!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2005): lol (laugh out loud, if you dont know what I mean), I wonder why...that makes you seem a sl*t (if not one). I take it you are still single? The thing you don't understand is that the guy is interested...he is not interested in you but interested in sex. Well, just because you don't tell your mates who you slept with, as a bloke myself I'm sure the guys you sleep with brag in front of their mates about it and then it becomes a networking scheme where it happens that one of the mates of that guy(or guys) has a girlfriend that is a mate of yours or a mate of a friend and that's why they are making fun.This isn't a flame or criticism to you personally, but to a lot of women...to keep a guy you give him what he wants..possibly sex..and as a player that's all the guy wants, then he leaves.Unless you fall in really deep love, love at first sight thing...you shouldn't be having sex as soon as you meet a guy or within the first day/nite of the date. Girls shouldn't get their hearts set on men that do this. If the guy wants you he will put you first and sex last, and not even mention it.YOU DONT HAVE TO HAVE SEX WITH A GUY AS SOON AS YOU MEET HIM TO KEEP HIMTo be honest with you, that's your problem...49.5% of guys will probably be players or whatever and just want you for sex, 49.5% of guys are probably semi-genuine but think if they pull that easy or whatever you're a sl*t or worthy for their sex needs and that's it and treat you like dirt. The other 1% are genuine...sounds like you ain't found him yet! Sex is part of a relationship, however, is not such a big thing in what relationships are made up of, however trust is.Sounds like you trust men too easily. If a guy has an STD and you both would be having sex in around 5-10 minutes he's not going to mention it, is he?So you take the pill? You won't be pregnant (if used correctly), or if you use a condom you think it's safe? What if it splits?!? If any girl had an STD (of any kind) and sex was on the menu and I had a pack of condoms in my pocket I wouldn't take the risk... Stereotypically, it's guys who pass infections on not women, get my point?I think you only trust for one thing, and trust the guy to stick his penis inside you and that's it. I can tell via your personality (however sexy, intelligent, funny etc. you are) that I wouldn't go with you, as I would know you would cheat. You are a sex freak and if it's on the menu you, will take it (whether you have a bf/gf/husband or not). Maybe those semi-genuine guys think this totally...hmm..she's nice but dont want to be with her because I know she would jump in bed with any man if she had the chance to. If those guys that come along know the rumours going round, they might be up for sex, but even if they did like you they won't go further as imagine hearing this "your girlfriend slept with me last nite..", not saying it's right (totally wrong, I'm very against it) but I understand why some men hit their partners under this sort of circumstances... If your bf is down a pub and has a few drinks too many, a guy says that you slept with him last nite and several of his drinking pals wound him up about it, he's likely to hit you when he gets home...(if you have children the problem would be a lot worse as it would affect their emotional well-being and even they could get hurt.)It's easy what you have to do...at the moment your are a piece of muck, you need more self-respect, even be bigheaded (fit but you know it)...keep going out with a guy and wait at least a week for sex...and you say that he's gone...well...if I met the girl of my dreams that I was "interested" in, I would even wait weeks for sex, anyways..if he stays he is interested, if the guy doesnt meet you again then obviously he just wanted sex. Also doing this will stop all the rumours going round. Try flirting and playing hard to get. At the moment you're too easy and why would most guys respect you if your morals etc. are so low and one drink or so would bring you round to wanting sex? The only guys who would are gentlemen and if they were gentlemen they wouldn't allow you to exploit yourself like you do. Currently, a guy would think your dream job is a prostitute. Also, the longer you wait for sex the better it would be as many people find out and many people agree.One of these times the condom is going to split (if you use one) or you going to forget to take the pill (if you do), and you will be pregnant, you can either have an abortion, have the baby adopted (and not get to see your baby ever again unlikely) or be a single mum and struggle hard. The way you put it across is that you meet loads of men and have sex (70+ i would guess), I take it that none of these led to more then a relationship for 2 weeks?? If you're finding it hard to get a man, your chances would decrease a lot if you are a single mum, trust me. Hope This Helps
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reader, meryl edwards +, writes (4 May 2005):
You firstly NEED to know that being easy is NOT attractive and if you want to find a decent guy then you should play a little harder to get and that will make them want you. Even if it's hard and you want to jump into bed with them DON'T. No one will respect you or want you because you will just be seen as easy if you sleep with them the first time you meet them, and just because you may think you are addicted to sex, you can just sleep with one person. You dont have to be the local bike to enjoy sex!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2005): Seems like you think that all you have to offer is your sexuality, and you disguise that by claiming that you "just love the sex". Sex is so much better after you develop trust and intimacy along with the initial passion. You need to think more of yourself before any man will. If you sleep with a guy too early you will certainly lose out on his respect. Your friends are talking behind your back because they see what you are too scared to see. It's more of a self esteem issue than a sex addict problem. It could even be an addiction to feeling desirable by another. You must train yourself to feel desirable regardless of others' reactions to you. You must learn how to respect yourself, and realize that while being desired is a nice feeling, it is not the only thing to base a relationship on. People in your situation often measure their value as a person by the number of men who 'want' them. Most men will sleep with an easy women and save their heart for someone more deserving. It's time to face the root of the problem....your self image...before rationalizing it as a sex addiction. You didn't say how old you were, but please realize that the more men you sleep with over time, the less desirable you become as a person. If all you think you can offer these guys is sex in order for them to be with you, then that's all you'll ever get from them. Don't you want more? If you are so 'addicted' to sex then buy a dildo while you seek counseling for your poor self image. You surely have more to give than your body. And by not holding out, you're stuck in the vicious cycle. Break the cycle before you're considered 'damaged goods'. It will not only improve your self esteem, it will guarantee you an amazing sex life with a worthy man who loves you for ALL that you are.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2005): I think you need to realise that the attention you receive is ultimately degrading if you truly want a proper relationship. This is because you will never get a relationship if all you ever do is hop in and out of bed. Most men are unlikely to want to form a relationship with you once you have slept with them so soon. Also, if you are getting a bit of a reputation this will put other potential boyfriends off. You seem to know this though...On the other hand though, if you're not really bothered about having a relationship, then your love of sex isn't really hurting anyone (as long as your partners are single, etc.).It's really up to you - if you want more than sex, then stop having sex at every opportunity. AND it's actually a lot easier than you think. You really just have to make a conscious decision to wait until a man takes you out a few times before having sex again.Someone's mum once said that men use love for sex and women use sex for love. Maybe this explains your "sex addiction"?Go get yourself some real love.
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