A
female
age
41-50,
*oomin82
writes:I posted a question on here last week about how my boyfriend and I seem to want different things. Last night, after 2 and a half years, he broke up with me because of it.He wants to focus on his career and while I do to, I had also suggested living together. He feels he's not ready for this, which I can understand and was quite prepared to wait until we both wanted it.He also said he doesn't want to be in a relationship at the moment as he's going through a very busy time at work (works 7 days a week at the moment) and is very pressured with that. However, this is likely to just be temporary.I understand his concerns but what gets me is he still says he loves me so much and I love him. Isn't that enough to try and make this work or do I need to accept this is it?Please be gentle with your advice, I'm feeling very fragile, thank you
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female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (28 March 2009):
I'm so sorry that's really hard. Hang in there, you will be okay. Some people say that's just the way men are - that they are very goal oriented and they need to feel they've achieved something before they are ready to settle down. In your case after 2 1/2 years he broke up with you... I'm wondering if the career situation is just an easy excuse for bigger issues he's avoiding discussing. Perhaps after 2 1/2 years and you talking of taking the relationship to the next level, he may just be scared of the committment.
If he is honest about loving you then I would say let him go sort himself out. Focus on being joyful and happy in your own life and don't let him know he has broken your heart. Let him MISS you. He may be taking you for granted after 2 1/2 years and in a few months on his own come to realize he gave up a great thing and come back hat in hand.
A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (28 March 2009):
 If both of you wanted to focus on your careers, picture this is you were to live together:Him: works 7 days a week, gets home tired and all he wants to do is either sleep, or when he's awake, work on his stuff with his laptop. When he does feel like going out to meet people, he'd just probably just do it straight from work. You. Same as himLiving together: when do you actually have time to talk to each other? Or if you did, there is so little time to do that. Then you will be frustrated because he never has time for you. Or he will be frustrated because you wanted more attention from him. Or he wants more understanding from you. Unfortunately, that is the not so pretty picture that you will be painting if you two moved in as you suggested now. So, the short answer is, no feelings for each other alone is not enough. You have to meet in common ground first. Whatever your common ground is, as only the both of you can decide its parameters. Some people pursue a career because it is their passion (in that particular field), some for the money and power. Some choose to be workaholic as an escape or a defence-mechanism. Good luck in finding your common ground!Cat
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