A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Yesterday I met my husband to sign our divorce papers. We've been separated for 3 months. I left our marriage because of verbal/emotional abuse and it had gotten physical with him grabbing me. It's been a terrible time for me but I've stayed strong to my decision to leave. Before we signed the papers he was still being forceful and demanding and telling me that we didn't have a bad marriage and that I could've stayed to work it out if I really loved him. It just zaps every ounce of my energy to hear him say all those things. Then, after we signed the papers we talked for about an hour. This was the best conversation we've had in many months. He told me he still loves me; apologized for all he had done; said if I had any health problems in the future to call him and he'd be there for me (I've had cancer twice); and he even said that if in the future I want to try it again he is open to that. The warm, caring personal that I married was surfacing again. He was really nice.I so very much miss the good times. We were together for a total of 7 years (married 2). I know that if we attempted reconcilation now it would just be more of the hurtful things that caused me to leave in the first place and I know that. But still right now it hurts alot and I miss him and the good times.Was all that niceness just to tug at my heart? Could he have really been sincere? Should I return these signed documents to my attorney and proceed forward? Are we moving too fast?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): I'd say that you are on the right track. This is typical of abusive mates-- they hurt you and then they want another chance with you. Chances are though that you'll just be hurt all over again.
If I were you, I'd keep chatting with him to a minimum, get the divorce (be sure to get what's owed to you/your rightful share-- maybe he wants to get back together with you for financial reasons?), and if he is really sincere, he'll still want you back five years from now. In the meantime, take good care of yourself, seek counselling with a professional to boost that self-esteem, and create a good life for yourself. Been there and done that-- it's possible to move on to better things! :)
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