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Anyone involved with a cop?

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Question - (7 February 2009) 35 Answers - (Newest, 16 April 2014)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Have any of you ever dated/loved/married a police officer? I've met one recently and I sense that we're developing strong feelings for each other. I am hoping we might start dating but all my friends seem to be warning me not to get involved with a cop. It's not that I have anything to hide from the law (!) but they all say cops are terrible at relationships. Any truth to this? Thank you for any info.

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A female reader, truth speaker United States +, writes (16 April 2014):

I have been seeing a cop that is considered a fine upstanding person in the community for 8 years now. He was divorced, I was told by him that she was a alcoholic and a cheater, that's why things did not work out for them.

During all this time I have discovered he is a liar,cheat and addicted to porn.

I have been bruised, burned lied to and cheated on.

I discovered this on my own, when he was confronted he said all you want to do is argue, he became extremely angry.

His children who are grown and family have no idea who he really is.

Tragically I love him and always will.

After many promises to cut back on the porn and self gradification i returned unexpectley to find him viewing porn and in the act.

I know each person is different but after knowing many law enforcement wives and significant others this is not uncommon.

It is easy for them to hide behind the uniform.

I am a US Justice Department agent, mother of 4 children that are grown.

I have nothing to gain by posting this.

My life is happy now and I am in a relationship with a real man a US Marine

Special Operations LT., someone I respect and that serves his country not himself!

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A female reader, CleverOldLady United States +, writes (10 February 2014):

Cops have a stressful job. Unlike the rest of us, they don't have good and bad....their job is all about bad. Relationships can be tough. But a real woman can handle it, survive it, and love it. Mine has been a cop for fourteen years, and he is the kindest, gentlest man in the world when he's with me. Just let him let go of the job when he's with you...you want to be his oasis, his getaway. If you love a man, keep him. Ignore your friends on this one. Cops need strong women. Be one for him. Good luck, and God bless sweety.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2013):

I am a female cop, and a mother of two elementary school aged children. I have been divorced since before I became a cop. I have noticed that maintaining a relationship, being a cop, and being a girlfriend is very tough. There is not enough time to do everything, and the role I end up neglecting and being the worst at is a girlfriend. Being a cop is a lifestyle and can be consuming of your time, energy, and attention. The schedule is always difficult and changing, and the work is draining (but satisfying and I love it). I often have little left to give at the end of the shift, and little free time after being a mom. My boyfriend and I are struggling because I am never available, and when I am, I am exhausted. I advise anyone interested in dating a cop to ask yourself whether you have the patience and understanding to be with someone who has a very demanding job. Can you handle being disconnected from your mate for extended periods of time, whether it be because they are busy at work chasing radio calls and dealing with the drama of police work, or busy at home sleeping and recuperating... it takes a very empathetic, patient person.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2012):

I was married to a cop for 12 years, he was to salt of the earth. He cheated after 4 years and then I never trusted him. We ended up divorcing after 8 years of trying. You can't read a cop and they get hit on and need a lot of attention. I am

a smart woman and didn't even think about him being a cop being a problem. I was so sure he had integrity and loyalty and would never cheat. But, cops think differently, follow different rules and to be a good cop you have to be a good liar. He was a great liar.

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A male reader, adamsmith709 United States +, writes (1 April 2011):

HI,

Well my dear friend after all cops are also human beings and their is no need to worry if you both love each other.

I dated a female cop last Sunday. Well I was scared at first because I had an impression that they are very rude but she turned out to be a sweet woman. I was really impressed by her talks . At last my misconception about police officers got cleared.:)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011):

I am upset that so many people just think cops are cheaters. I have been with my fiance for nearly three years and I can assure you, he has never cheated on me. He's a police officer/marine, and the most incredible man I have ever met. If you're dating a cop who has cheated, its the person who is doing that - not the fact that he is a cop.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010):

I dont know any COPS that dont cheat....my X husband is cop - he cheated, all his friends cheated, their friends cheated etc etc...for those that are dating right know - RUN, dont walk, RUN!!!!

their is a different understanding in the police world about cheating...you might thing you are in a great relationship0 but its still early...just wait.. mark my words......they all cheat...this isnt only coming from a bitter x (lol)...its coming from a woman that saw all my x's friends...(the wives dont even know!)/

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010):

Been dating for 2 months, goin on 3. I can honestly say that considering everything I have never been happier in a relationship. He is the sweetest, most attentive person. He's a real man's man so romance isn't a big thing for us. I'm kinda cheesy and like that stuff but i can do without. He does cook me dinner on his days off tho, after only 6 hours of sleep. He makes sure I'M comfortable. He calls me right away with any changes to his schedule, he lets me pick what I want to do on HIS days off. This is The first time i've ever thought of my future with someone else. Him being a cop doesn't compromise this. Neither of us has ever wanted to settle in relationships and we both have our good and bad days and are set in our ways. We have an understanding i guess. Now on the other hand, His texts while he is at work are few and far between. Nerve wrecking to say the least. He gets calls at all hours of the nite... always texting when we are together, he's tired all the time, he's a lil bit of a grump and so on and so on. LOL But, all the other guys i've dated who were not cops had way more issues and This is the first man in all my dating experiences, (and i've had many) that i feel safe and secure with. I have always had relationship issues. i.e., dealing with cheaters, cheating myself, trust issues, bad living situations, abusive, mentally abusive. Not finding the "ONE" in all this time. Well, i know we have only been dating for such a short time but I'll tell you now that I truly believe that I have found the one. He's a man of morals, not overbearing or possesive. He speaks openly and honestly. He tells me everything and makes sure I have my own life because he knows and I now understand how important this is. He's not jealous. He's protective in a way that makes you feel loved not controlling at all. He gives me all his free time with the occasional "boy time". I'm still getting used to this and don't yet understand that he only gets 2-3 actual days to just be himself in a normal world. I'm getting better at this. All the good, so far, overpowers the not so good. Optimism is the key. Going into something believing there is no hope is no way to start a relationship. Our short time together, even the mornings he crawls into bed with me for just a few moments before I have to leave for work are greatly cherished. It makes us stronger. I believe the key is be open with eachother and with yourself. Know what you want out of it before hand. I can say that with every moment with or without him my mind starts to wander off places I've never dreamed. Him being a cop is irrelevant. I have come to realize a lot about myself. I'm strong and independant but this man makes me weak at the knees. Trust is not an issue. I believe it never will be with him. There are times when i've questioned things but your mind will do this to you. Until i'm proven otherwise, cops aren't so bad. That goes for all men, cops or not. Follow your heart. Red flags are something to look for. You should know right off, most women do, if this person, cop or not, is a person you can trust. I plan on falling head over heels for this man and doing just about anything to make him happy because he makes me happy... even rubbing his back every time i see him makes me feel like im contributing to his well being. You def can't be selfish and neither should he. Be there for him and understanding when you really don't, helps. BE open minded and lose the dramatics... that's the last thing they need.

Good luck to everyone! Enjoy the ride!! =)

"Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up."

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2010):

hello... I know a alot of people have doubts on cops. And some rumors say that cops are wives beaters. Apparently, it's cynical. My bf is a cop and also in the military. He's been honest with me. He's kindhearted and people just misunderstands him at times. But, i think he's worth every love put on him. We're happy! I'm happy really happy. Sometimes u can't help worrying but what can u so but be suppportive and stand by him when he's stressed after a long 18 hr shifts!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2010):

well i'm dating a cop. He's a sweetheart. He's always been there for me . And we love each other a lot!

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A female reader, blindbetty United States +, writes (3 October 2010):

blindbetty agony auntI am one year divorced from a cop. We were together 12 years and married for 10. There were red flags in the beginning but I chose to ignore them because I was "in love". After we married he lied, cheated, belittled me to his "cop co-workers" to no end. He trampled on my soft spoken personality to make himself look good every chance he got. He would tell me lies and say mean things to me on the phone while on his job and then put me on speaker so that his "ride alongs" could hear me cry. If he did anything stupid it was always my fault. Any friends I made outside of the marriage he would not associate with because he said he could not mingle with anyone outside his "cop co-workers" so I always had to go to christmas parties, weddings, birthdays alone. He always spent time with his buds and labeled me possesive to them because I wanted to spend time him. He would give his phone number out to women he met on his job and had them calling all hours of the night and he would lie and tell me that he had to go into work, and I would find out later that he wasn't at work. He treated me like crap and I just could not take it anymore. The last straw was that he called off a vacation we had planned to be at with other "cop couples" so that he could take a stripper on a week's vacation with one of his buds so that they could double tag her.

I told him to find his own place because I was done...He had broken me down and I had had enough. None of the other wives told me, perhaps they didn't know or perhaps its a secret they all share and don't speak of.

Of course he told everyone that I was battling depression and that it ended our marriage....so you see... even in the end it was my fault.

Now that it's been a year later, I am still picking up the pieces, but I am making way on this upward climb and having weekly talks with a couselor. I am back in school again and working on my associates degree. I have my own little place and I can breath again. I have a guy from my old work place that calls and emails me and we go out occasionally but I am afraid to let my guard down and let it go further. The manipulation that I endured from my ex was horrific and I am still healing.

Guess what....my ex was engaged to be married 6 mos after our divorce. I wish I could send her a sympathy card.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2010):

Im currently dating a cop, and hes the most trustworthy person I've ever met. I do worry at times about these girls with "uniform fever", as one called it, but with all my heart I know he'd never do anything. He works nights, and Im a full time student with a part time job afterwards, so we dont' get alot fo time together, maybe an hour or two a day if that. But I love him, and weve agreed that his work stays at work. We're extremely happy. And I wouldn't trade it for the world. :)

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A female reader, katmac United States +, writes (9 September 2010):

I have been dating a cop for a long time now. I found this website because I do love him, but cops don't make the best husbands or fathers. While my boyfriend is honest, loyal, sincere, and a good person, he's never around. I don't think I will marry him mainly because I don't want to raise children on my own. I also don't want to eat dinner by myself every night. I would advise not to risk getting your heart broken by the neglect that is commonly felt by getting involved with a police officer.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010):

I'm dating a police officer, and he is one of the most honest, moral, trustworthy men that I have ever known.

The best thing about dating a cop? I feel completely safe with him, in any situation. The worst is that it's hard for him to leave his job at work...it carries over into his personal life. He sees so much ugliness and the worst of human nature in the course of his job, and it's hard for him not get cynical about things. Also, it is extremely difficult for him to admit he is wrong or to apologize.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2010):

Hello,

I am dating a cop now, however, he is an administrative cop. He does not work the beat, but he works crazy hours. I would agree with many of the responses that dating him is somewhat challenging. He made the comment that people make relationships too hard, but really, he doesn't put in much effort. He doesn't cause any problems and he is easy to get along with, but he doesn't send flowers, love poems, or that kind of thing. I will wake up to a lovingly written text from him, and when we're together, he does make me feel like I am the one. He has taken me to his office and he regularly talks about a future with me.

He is able to retire now. He started when he was 20 in the police department he works for. He only had to work 20 years, so he is 42. He is actually beyond retirement age, and can leave whenever he wants. He is currently working on a PhD so that when he retires, he will be able to easily get another job.

For all of the negatives that go along with dating a cop, such as their time and attention not always being yours, their unique responses to life's challenges and their need to be catered to on a fairly regular basis, there are also positives. I will get back to you with a list of what those are ;-) ! God bless you as you look for love!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010):

I also work in the Law Enforcement field as a parole officer and I am dating a cop. He is such a nice, caring and affecionate person. But we BOTH have our demons. We see and deal with the worst of the worst. We have a mutual love our job but over 15 years it does make you bitter. And yes, a lot of cops cheat. It is a nature of the beast. They always need a high. Alcohol abuse is sometimes a problem. Time is always a problem. Be prepared to miss out out on events do to work obligations. Our environment makes us attract to people in the field to those who understand. But the mutual understanding of the job really helps. We tell our funny stories and seek comfort when needed. We also make the best out of situations and sometimes laugh about things that normal people would cringe about. You must gain your own interest to fill the void. Otherwide it will never last. If you need a rock, look elsewhere. Best of luck to you and be sure and look beyond the sexual attraction of a cop/uniform.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010):

I've found that any relationship is going to have it difficulties. You just have to be willing to work with what you have. My boyfriend is a cop and he works nights, and I work normal days. Also, his rotation is so that he only gets weekends off every 3 months. You learn to work with it. Him and I have agreed that we really don't get to spend a lot of time together, so the time we do have we have chosen not to ruin with petty arguments. You learn what is important and what is not. There job is very stressful and while he tries not to bring work home, sometimes it happens. I couldn't agree more with not pushing them to talk about how their day at work went. He doesn't tell me for my protection because he knows some of it I might not be able to handle and would just make me worry more then I already do. All in all, I would say don't base dating someone on what they do. Get to know them for who they are and the rest will fall into place.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010):

Don't listen to people. Not all cops are bad people. I've been with my boyfriend for over two years. I was there when he went through the academy and was there went he went out on his own. His job can be stressful, and there will be times that seeing him will be "rare" because of court and such. My guy is sweet, loving, caring, and amazing. He does get stressed out and tired from work, but that's expected. The one thing to do is NEVER force anything out of them. Ask how his day went, and such. If he says something that sounds negative let him know you're there for him. Shift work is another thing about cops. A relationship with one can be challenging but if you truly love each other, it will work out.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010):

I've am considered common-law now for 4 years with a cop and I dare to say that if I had to do it all over again, I would not have got involved. You must remember, individual personalities also play a part in any relationship, but after meeting so many, so many women in relationships with them there tends to be 1 common denominator. - The need to control. Women too ( cops ). I don't know if the authority goes to their heads after a while, or it is strictly a inherited trait after dealing with what they do - but control over and in the relationship is the most common complaint. It is mine. He controls what we can talk about, when we can talk about it, when there is sex and any kind of affection, to how we interact with each other. I am working my way out the door as we speak - Good luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2010):

My love is a Baltimore city cop. He is very young, but working in one of the most dangerous cities in the US is making him look a lot older than his actual age. I must admit, it is very hard to be with a cop. There is no way we can truly understand what they have to go through everyday. Their schedules are not great, which means they will not be able to spend too much time with you. They also will have to change plans often because they never know if they'd get held up from time to time. Half of the time, you won't be able to reach them at work, if they work in a high crime-rate district. They need all your supports and love. There are many things they won't talk about with you, because it might scare you, or they simply don't even know how to speak about it themselves.I feel like they often have this strong connection with their squad, because these people work are the only ones that can protect each other, so it is very important for you let him hang with his friends. I'm not sure about your friend, but I know for mine, the best weekend he can have is to just sit around and do nothing after running around, risking his life everyday. Also, the schedule is weird, so his off days might not be Saturdays, Sundays. These men would be a bit too over-protective, because they don't want you to get hurt. Mine wouldn't even let me take the trash out once it gets dark. At first, I really hated it.. but now I understand he just has seen so much that he never wants me to get hurt.

I do agree with MommyOfOne, many cops do cheat. They see girls who have uniform-fever everyday, many girls would throw themselves at the cops and God knows how many men could say no to that.

Being in a relationship with a cop is tough, but if he is the right person for you, work it out. Work everything out. It doesn't matter whose fault it is, you've gotta give him a break. You will never feel unsafe again for the rest of your life.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2010):

I've been with my cop for four years and three of those have (and continue now to be) long distance as he lives in a city 2 and 1/2 hours away. So obviously, some of our problems stem not just the fact that he's a cop.

It's hard. It's really hard. I can't compare my life to his or imagine what he's going through and he doesn't talk about it. I have to beg him to communicate with me.. I have to beg him to tell me about how he feels and what he thinks. Everyday he's emotion overload with all of the people he works with (fight criminals, crying family members, injured children, the rapes, the murders, the molesting). It's hard for him to seperate his job from his life. He sees so much hurt and anger everyday. He sees the ugly side of human nature. You can't unsee that. You can't unsee death. You can't unseen the injured. And then this poor guy gets home and I can't understand why he's being so distant. I can't understand why he doesn't want to talk.

If it's worth the risk, you commit to the relationship full understanding what you're giving up and what your giving in to. You have to willing put yourself second to the job. You have to be okay with knowning every day he might die and you'll never hear from him again. You have to come to terms with that he doesn't know how to be a normal part of society anymore. He isn't normal. Cops aren't normal. And you can't treat him like any other guy. You can't argue the same, you can't talk the same, you can't have the same expectations you would with any other guy. They're a different breed. They're hard to figure out... but if you do.. If you're lucky enough and put in enough effort.. it'll be worth it.

If nothing else, remember that your cop wasn't born that way. Remember to seperate him from the badge. Remind him to remember he's more than just a police officer.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2010):

I'm dating a cop and I can't really complain. He's straight-edge which I like doesn't even drink or anything. The only problem I have with him is that he can be a bit too cocky and too controlling. I continue to assert myself though and make it known that he won't be able to control me I'm an independent woman always have been always will be and he may not know it but that's why he likes me. It's a little disturbing that he scraps up dead people off the road and gets into fights every day and the eerie way that it totally doesn't faze him at all. He's just like "yeah, it was gross" or "hey I got to fight somebody today" type thing. I'm lucky that we live in a small town where there's not a lot of crime so I don't really worry about him too much but in a big city I would for sure that would be torture just waiting for him to get hurt every day. It takes a kind of eternally optimistic person to be with a cop I think. Someone strong who's not gonna freak out if he gets hurt or something bad happens. Not the kind of girl who's afraid of snakes and spiders.... My boyfriend likes to take me shooting and wants me to get a handgun for safety. He's also an ex-marine and he's a VERY motivated person who's not really afraid of anything, constantly working out or doing some crazy outdoorsy stuff he doesn't just like to sit around the house which I like a lot but it can be intimidating when I can't keep up. He encourages me to be more active and learn new things which I love though. And as for fidelity, I have no reason to believe he would ever cheat on me as of yet. He does say that "badge bunnies" hit on him every day but that he would never get with skanks who just want him for his badge. I believe him until he gives me a reason not to. It must be hard for most cop couples because they really do get hit on by a lot of stupid sluts who don't care they just want to be able to say they f***** a cop. I don't mind the long shifts because at least he gets 3-4 days off a week. I don't need companionship all the time either. I'm also going to school to be an ultrasound tech and I've heard that cop/nurse & cop/teacher couples work out good so we will see I suppose.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010):

I also am dating a cop. I never understood the unique lifestyle that they live. I totally understand his job, and he understands mine as well. He and I have worked together a few times on MVAs. (Motor Vehicle Accidents) I do towing & recovery for the local sheriff's dept he works for and for the state police. So, it was quite a shock to EVERYONE in the local towing industry as well as for the sheriff's dept and state police dept when we finally came out and let it be known that he and I were together! I've never felt so safe before. We have a joke when he comes home that he drops the uniform and drops the badge when he walks through the front door!! He's just "my guy" when he comes home. We cook, we clean, and we sit on the sofa together and watch tv and movies just like a normal couple would do. He's VERY protective and pays VERY close attention to detail! I love the security I have being with him. Being a cop's girlfriend/wife has it's advantages also.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010):

If the officer can seperate work from family I say go for it. I have been married to a cop for 4 years now. If I had to do it all over again I wouldn't. I find alot of them to be difficult to talk to and extremly unable to see outside the box. Alot of his friends who are also cops are unfaithful. Not trying to scare you but make sure this person is mature emotionally and mentally. In most of there eyes your job will not be nowhere as stressfull, or as difficult as there's so really don't expect them to sympathize too much. Just becareful you pick the right one. Any weird vibe run like hell and don't look back

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A female reader, loveliee28 United States +, writes (11 June 2010):

I've been with my cop(sheriff) for just over 3 months, and to be honest, it's the first relationship that I feel secure in. It's hard dating a cop.. the hours get tough, and you start to feel like you're last on the list. When the chief(or whoever is in charge LOL) calls, that's it... he has to go. You have to have a certain maturity to date a cop, and you have to understand that your man is in a position to serve the public, and you can feel neglected. I wouldn't change it for anything in the world, however. I guess it depends on the guy... they have to know how to separate the job from home life, and mine does just fine with that. He tries to make it up to me when these things happen, and I would have never guessed he was a cop when I first met him. People say that cops can't really form healthy relationships, and I guess to a certain extent it might be true, but you could say I really couldn't form a healthy relationship until recently either, so it's something that draws us together... something we can both work on together. Anyway, that's just my two cents, and I'm going through it right now as we speak.

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A female reader, Misslady906 United States +, writes (20 May 2010):

Dating a cop it HARD. I always said I didnt want to but I feel in love. See a cop may be dating you, but theya are married to their obligations as an officer. Mine is Federal and trust me, when the Chief, Captain, whoever calls he has to leave. At first it caused loads of arguments because you'll feel like your basic needs aren't being met, but I knew that in the beginning and that is something you may want to consider. I you are a busy person anyway, then ok...but if you are like me, bust yet need your cuddle time, be prepared to schedule it. Also their minds are always occupied depending on cases, but thats a good sign, they are focised. It will be tough so say in the beginning what you NEED and see if it can be met realistically and work on it TOGETHER. Good Luck!

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A female reader, sahwah9x United States +, writes (30 November 2009):

Heey, I know you posted this a while ago but I just recently became involved with a police officer. We were friends first then dated and made it official and I won't lie to you, it is hard. The hours and knowing the dangers of the job can become difficult to deal with but if you really like him, go for it. I have never felt safe with anyone in my whole life. i trust him with my life and he's very dedicated and whoever said that cops are terrible at relationships is wrong. you just have to think that not every cop can be alone and single and someone has to be there to support them while they are trying to protect and support and entire community. it's hard, but i have never been happier in my entire life.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009):

I've been with my boyfriend for four years, and he just became a cop last summer. I guess I'm answering your question merely to vent my frustrations, but hey, it might help you as well, so here goes:

He just worked a 13 day week, and where is he now? He's out with his new cop buddies, drinking and talking about work. This is my life. I can't be with him anymore without a his phone constantly in his palms, texting and ignoring our relationship. It's horrible, and I'm truly considering ending what we have. His new found "brotherhood" with his coworkers has placed me on the back burner.

Now before all of this, we were each others' best friends. Couldn't seperate us. And now I just don't know what I'm doing with him anymore. He's turned into a bitter, semi-racist, sexist man and I don't respect him anymore.

It takes a strong person to be with a cop. And in response to many other opinions on this page, the job DOES make a difference. It can easily consume a person. If you want to be with a cop, go for it. Just make sure you're prepared to constantly be competing with his newfound family for his love and attention.

Oh and not to mention the danger of the job. That's a different story for a different day. Hope this helps! Talking about it definitely helped me.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009):

My boyfriend is a police officer and he is absolutely amazing. Cops are just like everybody else, just because it is their duty to protect and serve doesn't mean they aren't human.

However I can understand your concern. The days are long and he often comes home stressed out, ive learned just to give him some time to himself to relax and wind down. After a bit, hes back to his old self. Sometimes he gets a bit of a power trip and I remind him that he isnt on duty and to talk to me like im his girlfriend and not someone on the street. He is at times over protective, but I think as police officer, you have to be.

You really have nothing to worry about. If you treats you the right way and your feelings are mutual, why not give it a try? Just be prepared to deal with all your friends asking him for legal advice or trying to get him to clear tickets. HA. Or when your out and hes still in his uniform, people stopping him to ask questions.

Good Luck!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2009):

My brother's a cop and he's happily married and one of the sweetest people I know.

That said, there are reasons why people warn against dating cops. Whether they apply in your case is only something you can decide.

For one, dating a cop, unlike dating a lawyer or doctor or accountant or even cashier, comes with the constant fear for your loved one. I mean, every day he's walking the street means danger for him and let me tell you, and that's a lot of pressure on someone. My brother, for example, was a NYC cop during 9/11 and for the longest my sister and I couldn't get in contact with him that day. Turns out, he did go down there, but after the buildings fell. But, as you may well know, a lot of cops did not survive that day.

Also, I did notice a change in my brother since he became a cop. Not in a bad way, but just that he became a little more cynical, since he did see a lot of the ugliness of people that he and other cops tend to protect us from seeing. I mean, if the normal person sees somebody get mugged or something, that's a big event for us. Cops see that all the time. They see domestic abuse all the time. Now, some cops (not all) who may already be abusive may take it out on their wives... but like with any man you meet, you have to see the warning signs for that. Likewise, there are a lot of them who drink because of pressures of the job.

So, you have to treat it like a relationship with any other man, just go in with your eyes open.

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A female reader, Firefighter's Wife 09 United States +, writes (7 February 2009):

Amen mommy of one!

I was a police dispatcher for a while! I loved my guys very much. I always had their back as they had mine! I was the little sister to all of them!

But when you are with a police officer you have to watch your back when it comes to other woman. Its like she said about the rockstar attitude! Women love men in uniform! They flock for them! I have met many a badge bunny! And they don't care about anything else besides getting the officer!

My guys were super sweet! Most were married and their wives love them very much! You just have to be careful they can have tempers and be over protective! The good ones leave their jobs at the office. But they see so much bad stuff they don't want to see you get hurt or caught up in all of it!

The same goes for firemen, state troopers, sheriff's deputies and so on.

If you can tell he will be good to you go for it! I did and got my firefighter husband.

It can be stressful though, not knowing for sure if they are going to come home in their car or a body bag. You have to have a very tough heart and plenty of faith in god!

It always worried me if one of my guys didn't have their vests on! And my husband and structure fires scare the sh*t out of me!

Good luck! Once you get that man of law and he's good to you, you won't ever want to let him go!

Just give him a smack in the back of the head if his ego starts to swell! Lol

I'm always here if you need to talk!

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A female reader, MommyOfOne United States +, writes (7 February 2009):

MommyOfOne agony auntI must disagree with rcn...

My boyfriend is a cop. And we have been together for some time now, and trust me baby, I have learned so darn much about men in law enforcement...

Good ones are very hard to fine. I know a lot of people are going to disagree with me, but this is just first hand information. Cops DO in fact have problems with getting or maintaining healthy relationships. Usually for one of two reasons... The girls they find can't handle the world load, the hours they work, how devoted they are to their job, how they react to the little things in day to day life (nothing like a "regular" man), how they behave off duty. Cops really are their own breed. And it takes a special woman to handle what they bring home with them when they are off duty. (They never are). Most women just can't handle it, and the relationship ends.

They other reason? I have met countless cop friends of my bf over the time we have been together, I'm talking hundreds, and a very large percentage, are either having affairs or have had one in the past. Its actually sickening how often it happens. I believe the statistics are 3 out of 4 cops will be involved in "something" outside of their relationship. Its gotten to the point when I meet a new cop friend of my bf, I usually ask, "is he faithful to his wife?". I always get an honest answer followed by an eye roll from my boyfriend. I've found it rare and shocking when he says, "yes, he is faithful.". But I must say, they do exist. Just very rare. There are a lot of girls who throw themselves at them on a regular basis. Badge Bunnies. They will do anything and stop at nothing to at least befriend a cop, let alone take it to another level. Married or not. They don't care. And trust me, that must be very tempting. And it takes a hopelessly devoted man to turn that down on a daily basis.

Of course, that breed of police officer is "the rock star" cop. The cop that has taken his badge to his head and has let it get the best of him. Those are the ones who believe they are untouchable and can do whatever they please. And honestly, they are more common then most think. My boyfriend has "rock star" moments. Then, with a dose of reality from me, he pulls his head out of his ass.

Mind you, some cops are amazing men. (I believe I found one of the good ones) But some...are not, and you should steer clear and head for the hills if you get a hint that he's a bad seed.

If you do decide to get involved with him, brace yourself. Having a romantic relationship with a police officer is hard, hard work. Its not easy. That's why most girls just steer clear. Other than the fact that most are rock stars and can't keep their pants up...

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (7 February 2009):

rcn agony auntMaybe your friends have been in trouble before?

Cops aren't different from other people. Go with who you want to know, not what they do for a living.

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A male reader, 2112EricYYZ Canada +, writes (7 February 2009):

2112EricYYZ agony aunti cant say Im in a relationship with a cop. but my buddys dad is a cop and their really happy together just because people are cops doesnt meen there not people that doest want a relationship i say GO FOR IT.

ur friend

--------2112--------

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A male reader, Djmclucas113 United States +, writes (7 February 2009):

Djmclucas113 agony auntI have no experiance with a cop at all but what u need to decide is if he is with all the trouble that comes with it. U will go through hard times no dought like having to worry if he is coming home that night (but it depends on where u live) but if u really like this guy then go for it. That way ur never wondering what if.so u have to decide if he is worth going through hard times hopefully someone with experiance in this field will give u good advice

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