A
female
age
41-50,
*issyrose1
writes:I have been married for 7 years and lately it is pure hell. My husband seems angry all the time and wont talk to me about anything. He gets mad if he doesnt like the breakfast I made and will continue on being mad the entire day and wont eat anything. Very childish i know. He will bring up stupid things just to get in a fight and wont talk to me ever! I never even know most of the time what he's mad about. I try to talk to him and work things out but he always refuses to talk to me. He'll just be fine the next day or in the next couple days and i never know what the deal was. Any ideas on how to get him to communicate. We went to counseling once and he will not go again. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Queeny  +, writes (28 May 2008):
 Typical male ego..they do not believe in counselling even when its obvious that they are not able to solve the problem. as i am not a marriage expert, neither i'm i married,i'd like to suggest. why not talk to him when the two of you are lovey dovey... and there is not stress. when there is no stress, try asking him what it is that irritates him all most of the time. do not do this when he is angry and moody.. during this time, tell him exactly how you feel when he acts in this way when most of the time you don't know why.. let him know how you feel if he is a human being like you.secondly, stand up firmly against things he does that make you loose control... e.g. when you make him breakfast doesn't matter if you're not the best chef in town, let him see your effort and not the bad breakfast you made. try asking him how he wants his breakfast done and let him show you how to make it. if your breakfast is that bad... take some short lessons from a friend or relative who you know makes delicious food or buy a cooking manual.also try showing him that you too got feelings and don't always be at his mercies. you say that lately is when its been purely hell, are there some things that have changed drastically from the past... can you sit down and honestly discuss this things... the idea here is to be informed and ths can only be done by sitting around a table and talking collaboratively inquiring wht this changes are... also appreciate each others strenghts. you can do this just between the two of you and even write up what you find out and refer to the notes in future. (i hope i don't make marriage sound like a project but indeed in some funny way it is and it needs some evaluation)congratulations for keeping that marriage for seven years at your age... just go back to the reason as to why you got married...good luck and pray to God as there is also power in a prayful wife.. He is the marriage maker and marriage keeper. this is if you believe in God... take care of yourself and sorry for the hurt ache you've gone through of late... everything will be alright
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): I have experianced similiar mood swings in partners of varying degrees!
I would suggest that he is stressed out or worried about something. In most cases this mood swing has a reason!
It could be something big or nothings other than he is coping with something. It is a shame he would not continue to go to counselling - why?
You cannot continue living like this. It is unreasonable and unfair on you. If he has something on his mind or troubling him he needs to get it on the table. Him transferring his tantrums onto you is abusive.
I didn't want to suggest this but feel compelled to, could he be having an affair? Unfortunatately his actions have a familiar ring to it and it can be reasons for this behaviour. Guilt. His trying to start fights and having issues with food etc are all pathetic but for a reason I suspect. Others may have insight.
Irrespective of him not wishing to continue counselling, why don't you continue to get support in some way for your own state of mind?
My suggestion is to tell him that this behaviour now is getting to be way to childish and concerning, does he have anything he is worried or troubled about? Is there anything he needs to disclosure which is causing his twisted behaviour - if so, lets sort it out and move on. Tell him your not happy or prepared to take his tantrums any longer and he needs to make some serious steps to improve his treatment of you. Tell him you have had enough!
Tell him you not prepared to get into an argument for the hell of it and what's his problem and what is he going to do about it!!!
Might get a response!
All the best honey, figgering out what someone else is thinking or feeling is not so much the issue for you. It is more about if your prepared to accept and put up with it!
xx
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