A
male
age
36-40,
*oveu
writes:Hello All,I am 26 years , I will marrying soon withing couple of months . I have a porblem i love very much my financy , before marriage we are now speaking all things on phone , she told all things about her and she said that she is having a best boy friend who she likes him very much. and she is also having a habbit of contiunsely talking and sending sms to friends ... which I wont like and i made her forcely to stop talking to his friend also ... even though whenever i call her if her phone is engage i will be very angry .. I cannot control and i scold her .. but I love her and I trust her .. someimes i think i am having doub on my wife .. she also felt the same.. i don know we talk daily 4hrs contiunsely we are in deep love but only if the friends topic or any engage call happens I speak rudely with her.. I dont don why ......Can anyone suggest what i am going on the way i am beging mad ... sometimes i feel what she is doing on .. i feel ego .. i love her .. i always think that her whole love should come to me... Reply to this Question
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male
reader, loveu +, writes (28 July 2010):
loveu is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHelll All,
It help me a lot. Thank you very much for your valuable time for making me understand . I realy heartfully thank to one and all for your help.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (28 July 2010):
 "i always think that her whole love should come to me..."
You are not ready for marriage.. You are controlling and suffocating this poor woman. If she has a child, you will hate the child because it means she has to share her love arround..
Love is not obsessional like this.. Love should be patient and kind, you should want her happiness too. You love yourself and only think of yourself. You want to lock her up like an animal in a zoo, keep her in prision so only you can see her.. This is not love, this is frightening.
She needs to speak to other people, she needs to have friends, she will be lonely if she can only talk to you. Please go to counselling and get help. People who have strong feelings of possession and jealousy can be very, very dangerous.
Love means, putting your girlfriend first and trying to make her happy, not locking her in a box and watch as she struggles to breathe. Change your ways or one day she will run away.
There can be no happy marriage for you as long as you continue to think like this.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (28 July 2010):
 You are not only jealous but probably also a hypocrite. I'm sure you haven't stopped talking to your friends since you got engaged, have you?
Now I know that being from India you probably have an unfair advantage in that your 'financy' is unlikely to break the engagement, but honestly what sort of foundation do you think you're building for your life together if you get jealous over such petty things?
To answer your question - yes, you're wrong. Grow up.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (28 July 2010):
 PLEASE, pay attention to what the other aunts and uncles have told you!
It's just not right for you to attempt to control her the way you are doing now. You don't speak rudely to someone you claim to love, and tell them who they can and cannot talk to on the phone; who they can have or not have, as friends! Nor can you be angry if she is not available to speak to you the minute you phone!
Well, you CAN be angry, BUT you have to control your anger and recognize she has rights also. That is, unless you want to drive her away from you completely and break off the engagement.
If she does, you'd have to accept it. Please, take note of what we're telling you!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2010): You are an imbecile, don't stop her talking to her friends, you have no right! That's horrible
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (28 July 2010):
 You do this because you want to control the lady. I see you're from India and perhaps customs are different there. But here you would be seen as going too far. I don't see the harm in her talking and sending messages to friends.
I don't remember where it was that I read that "if you love someone, let (her) be free. If she comes back, she was yours; if she doesn't, she never was".
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