A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently met the most wonderful guy through a mutual friend, who is intelligent, caring and makes me feel wonderful. He doesnt want to rush anything, and is not ready for a serious relationship, as he had a bad experience last time. This is fine with me, as I am not the type to rush things We kiss, and cuddle a lot, and recently things have got more hands on, but at the moment, there is still no sign of a commitment, although he does drop "we" and "us" into the conversations without thinking. He talks about the future alot, and is making plans to do lots of things. Am I wanting too much too soon? He told me he has a profile on a dating site, but that he is just waiting for the subscription to run out, and that he is not seeing other women, yet it says there is daily activity. I see him 3-4 times a week at the least, so I dont know when he would get time to date other women. Am I just being paranoid? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk - just an update for everyone, and to say thank you for your advice. Turns out he had met someone off the dating site. He told me he "may or may not want to date them in the future" but while he was making his mind up, could we carry on doing what we had been, dating, going out etc, just no intimacy. I told him to get stuffed.
A
male
reader, Dr. Merrick Way  +, writes (4 February 2009):
Some people choose to live in denial. If things are going so great, then whats with the discrepancy?
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (4 February 2009):
 i hope it works out for you! good luck keep in touch. xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): He sounds like he is interested in you if he is seeing you that frequently and he mentions the future with you in it, those are all good signs. You are wise to take things slowly especially if he is telling you he doesn't want a serious relationship....you should pay attention to that.
You say you have a lot of feelings for the guy already, but there is a couple of danger signs to watch out for. We women often don't see the danger in a "connection" with a man. It means we have some intense feelings and a lot of attraction going on, and we women have a habit of not seeing the reality of the situation, intense feelings mask reality....just keep your head about you.....and really take your time to know him and let him do all or most of the pursuing especially for the first several months. If you start expecting things from him too soon or playing the part of a girlfriend before he as asked you to be his girlfriend then he may freak out and run off like a little crab!
So just put a little hold on that excitement and don't stop thinking about you and your life and being truly busy with your own life first, that is what makes you interesting to him and he is going to have work and figure out how to fit into your fabulous life......time will tell if he will want a relationship with you. Usually thought a guy says what he means....it sounds to me he just wants to "date" and play the field and so should you. Saying he isn't seeing any other women is not the same as will you date me exclusively, he is leading you on and leading you to believe that he is really into you, and he may very well be, but it is too early to be sure.....OK?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionkellyxxx - thank you for your comment. I asked him why he joined the dating site, and it was because he was lonely and wanted to find people to do things with as friends. I know I need to relax. I just feel so much for this man. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDr. Merrick WayActually, we have not had sex yet - I believe in waiting until you are in a serious relationship for this. We discussed it and we are taking things slowly. Yes we kiss and make out, but that is as far as it is going to go at the moment. And yes, there is massive physical chemistry between us. As for paying, actually I have paid for very little when we have been out.
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A
male
reader, Dr. Merrick Way +, writes (3 February 2009):
If you guys are having sex the majority of the time you guys see each other, more then likley your being what we call in the business "played for a fool". If you guys have been seeing each other for more then a month, and he has yet to give you the title of girlfriend, your just what I like to call a "fuck buddy". I can tell by the way you write, you more often then not pay for everything. (gas, cigarettes, food, etc..) Your being used. You need to tell this guy to shit or get off the pot! If he cant make a commitment and hes still on the datelines, more then likely hes not going too..he's too busy talking to other people, seeing other people. Get a grip before you slip completely.
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (3 February 2009):
hmmm, he should ditch the dating site! he sounds interested. give it abit more time. dont get paranoid as easy as it is in this situation. i'm sure things will happen for you soon. keep me updated. x
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