A
female
age
30-35,
*hickpea13
writes:i have started getting to know this guy. he is reeeeally nice and really really sweet and says just the right things that make me flutter... buuut i have doubts. they appear fairly shallow, though, and this concerns me. he is rather careful in what he says, afraid of offending me, but i put this down to him being in the "courtship" phase - feeling me out and getting to know me (thus he doesn't want to scare me off or offend me, etc) however, sometimes his carefulness... disconcerts me - i only worry that it's something that will persist and i don't always like feeling as though i'm being tiptoed around. aaaalso... that is the matter of his dress sense. i realise that it's easy to point a person into the right direction but i'm only concerned about trying to change people... i know dress sense isn't that big a deal, but... i don't know... i fear i am only being courted by the idea of being liked and the sincerity of the person... not the person themselves... i don't know! this always seems to happen to me! i know it's stupid to try and be too meticulous about these things, but... i feel like clothes represent a person and add to physical attractiveness... oh god... i am shallow :( Reply to this Question
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male
reader, JTalbott +, writes (13 June 2008):
 I agree.
A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (12 June 2008):
 No, you're not shallow, just over-sensitive. And he's nervous of pushing too hard because, like many young men, he's probably scared of being rejected.
Dress sense? Well, I know that youngsters are probably a thousand times more dress-conscious than when I was that age, but it's fairly traditional that men needs the guidance of a good woman when it comes to choosing fashionable clothes.
And as for the rest of it, only you can work out what you really want. Being "in love with the idea of being in love" isn't uncommon. Is that you? If so it's not the end of the world. Do a bit of loving, but try not to hurt him if it's not really serious from your end of it.
Be what you are, and enjoy being it. Don't take it all too seriously just yet - you don't HAVE to. You're young. There's plenty of time.
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