A
female
age
30-35,
*trbursts310
writes:Ok i am almost 18, i've lived with my boyfriend for a year and we've been on and off for 2 years. anyways he is an alcoholic and would always get drunk finish his bottle and make me go get him another one (by going out and asking random people to get me one) i told him a guy tried to pick me up and do whatever to me and he didnt give a shit! well he stopped drinking cause he was going to die and now he is just a plain loser.. i actually prefer him being an abusive drunk.. now he sneaks out in the morning with a video camera and is gone from 30 mins to an hour or so.. and if he is on his computer he wont even look at me or pay any attention and i better not look at his screen.. if i do im a snooping whore or something awful he has to say... i want to leave him SOOO bad but i just dont have the guts.. "AM I SCARED TO BE ALONE?" or am i just a retard who craves the abusive attention because its attention? i would love some tips on how to leave also.. thanks. so my question is if you didnt get it in my jumble.... am i scared to be alone or like the negative attention"
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2009): Gina gives you marvelous advice and I just want to add some of my comments here. Your bf's insecurities led him to drink in the first place. Now that he has quit, he isn't a much better person..he's gotten terribly controlling and has lost sight of all compassion. His neediness is destructive and he will take you down, if you don't get out of there, asap. You are in the first steps of leaving. You've made the decision to go. That's great! However, living with this prior alcoholic, who is abusive, has done something to you...it's killed your spirit and your confidence. And I am so sorry, dear.
Now, I'm not sure if this is you, but sometimes, when a female is with a 'bad guy' like this, she sometimes thinks that fixing him affirms herself. I always say, one can't be a people fixer...you can't make him a better person-he has to get there all on his own. And perhaps, you have given up on trying this? I don't know. But, what predominant here is you need to work on the problem of 'fearing your abilities to live happily and on your own'. Those fears in life make us dependant, unhappy and keep our confidence levels, down in the gutter. It's time to work on 'you' and for goodness sake, stop sacrificing your own happiness for someone else, who treats you like crap. He's not worth it.
I really think you need a strong supportive group of people (friends, family) to rally around you and help you through this. Don't ever be afraid to ask for help. And you need to know, it's okay to be alone than to be co-existing in this unhealthy relationship. I also think you need, some form of counseling to help you get back the strength and personal courage, you require, to never let others take you down like this. It's tough and the road will be long, but you can do it. You just have to believe you can. I wish you the best, dear...really I do. Because out there, in the world, there are many of us who can relate to what you are going through. Take care and be strong.
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