A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello,Sorry ahead of time for the lengthy post, but I feel like I'm in a real predicament here. I've been in a college program for the past couple months and have gotten to know one girl in particular pretty well. Let me preface this by saying I'm a very reserved and shy kind of guy. So initiating conversation with her was/is challenging for me to say the least. Well, after a few weeks I finally asked her out. She said yes and that it sounded like a lot of fun.We went on our date and I think it went really well. She stated afterwards that we should hang out again sometime soon. The next weekend we went on an outdoors date and had a nice time as well. It was a 45 minute drive to our destination in my car so I thought she was being very trusting in me. On our way back from our second outing we were chatting and she mentioned that I should come up to her town sometime soon (she lives in a different city than I do) and she would take me out to one of the restaurants she likes to eat at for dinner.Here is where I feel like I'm ruing things. I'm really worried about appearing overzealous or needy so I don't bring up much conversation with her in class (plus I’m already shy as it is). Some days she doesn't talk to me much inside of lecture classes either, which seems really strange to me seeing as she is much more outgoing than I am, and she seems to talk to everyone else in class more than with me, guys and girls alike.I have her phone number which she gave me through class email to call and set up date #1 but I haven't called her since, usually I just stick with email for communication, but even those have been few and far between. The only time she has emailed me first is when asking about a class related question. In one reply to one of my class related questions that I sent her (which happened to be right after our first date), she said at the end of her email that she had a really nice time hanging out with me outside of class and that we should do it again (which lead to date #2).What's really bothering me is the fact that she sometimes acts disinterested in me while in class and on a couple of occasions she's even opted to go home (she has a long drive home) instead of staying there and doing class work or studying with me. On the other hand she has given me signs that she’s really interested in me, such as: bringing me one of her DVDs to class one day because she knew I was into movies, patting me on the shoulder (couple occasions) when greeting me in the morning as she sat down next to me, and even passing up a day to study for our final so she could go on date #2 with me. So I’m pretty confused; things are progressing pretty slowly and I feel like it’s my fault for slacking on the communication aspect of things. But she never really said she wanted me to call her except for setting up that first date. So now I’m stuck wondering if I should bring up going to her hometown for that dinner outing or whether it would be best to just play it cool and see if she brings it up again or shows more interest in me. I know I’ve summarized and been vague on a few details for anonymity purposes, but I can clarify things if need be. Thanks for your time, please help me understand what’s going on =(
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female
reader, lola80  +, writes (18 August 2008):
It sounds like she is interested in you and that the signals you are sending back are those of someone who doesnt seemed to bothered with her ! I think you should bring up the going for a meal in her town , as she was the one who suggested it ! so she is interested but im sure she doesnt know if you are as you just left it , why would she pursue it again ? she probably doesnt know whats going on as your giving her mixed vibes you should send her a text or an email and say something like " so when are we going to do dinner " ? you really have nothing to lose here but if you keep on coming across as cold she will move on and find someone else who will give her attention , give it a try before its to late and you will regret you didnt make your move when she has send you all signals of wanting to spend more time with you after 2 dates Hope this helped
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