A
female
age
30-35,
*dviceneeded01
writes:Hi,I came on here a few months ago, because my girlfreind dumped me after her dad got into a tragic accident and was left very badly hurt and needing help 24/7. It has been 4.5 months since the split, and we have recently been meeting up again. We have met up 3 times and on each occasion we have ended with a passionate kiss. She initaiated it twice! My question is, when we meet up things are so natural and the connection is there, but when we leave we dont really text much, can go for a day with out a word. She rarely contacts me first, but sometimes does, and i feel a bit like its a game and we avoid eachother, which i dont understand? Also, I know we have only met up 3 times but is it strange that we havent slept together? because we are ex's and had that relationship before? I am hoping i am just reading too much into everything because i want her back so bad, but if anyone has any ideas on this it would be nice to hear. As i said we broke up through the stress and worry and grieving of her dad, none of us ever did anything wrong, and we had a really strong relationship before, we also have another "date" on wednesday to the cinema..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2013): Thank you caftin.. You have read my question properly.. Wise owl I'm afraid you didn't read my question, therefor got the situation wrong! Caftin I think you are right.. I know that she is happy when she sees me, and we have that connection but also she probably feels like right now she needs to focus her attention on other things.. I didn't mean in my question to sound like it was all about sex.. Alot of it was more about the texting.. I know I need to give it time . It's difficult when someone wants to date you again but then you don't hear from them for a while. I think we are both as confused as eachother however it is a step in the right direction! I will continue to work for this and get my girl back! :) thank you caftin ps this is the original poster.. On my phone and it's not logged in!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2013): You girlfriend is experiencing a horrible tragedy in her life. This leaves her vulnerable and feeling helpless.
She witnesses her father's suffering and pain on a daily basis; and her only comfort is to retreat to the past source of comfort she once had. It is too hard to face all this alone. In desperation, she'll reach out to anyone she can to prop her up under this tremendous weight.
I tell you to be cautious and supportive. Do not take advantage of her present state. She must feel angry and upset with herself; when she allows herself to second-guess her decision to leave you. There was a reason you broke up.
So don't take her moments of weakness as a sign she wants you back. It means she is feeling lost and over-whelmed with emotion. She is a woman. This is how they may react when under such pressure.
She fears she may lose her father. She is close to hysteria.
This is not about you.
Leave her alone if she doesn't contact you. Periodically, you may check on her well-being and her father's recovery. She will eventually pull away; and you'll be back to square one, where the pain of loss is concerned.
I wouldn't recommend intimacy under these circumstances; because her appreciation for the emotional support can be easily misconstrued. There will be times she may fall apart.
She is clinging on to her sanity. She has my empathy.
You were once the closest person in her life, and she hasn't quite gotten over that. She draws from your strength. That's what we do when we feel so drained.
She will regather her strength; and she may reinstate her original standing where the breakup is concerned. She has no obligation to take you back. She owes you no debt for emotional support during such a time. If you ever cared for her, you'd do this under no obligation.
She put aside her differences; because she needs your help. An unexpected tragedy occurred around the time of the breakup; leaving her feelings shattered. The loss of a boyfriend; and a tragic accident involving her own father, all at the same time.
So keep that in mind; so you will not collapse into despair; when you realize this may only be temporary.
If she rejects you, your first inclination is to consider her ungrateful. That would not be the case. To respond to her in this way, would be nothing short of evil.
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A
female
reader, oolagoob +, writes (26 July 2013):
 I know it's not really what you want to hear but it's something the two of you have to sort out between you. You need to communicate! Ask her what's going on; does she see this as going anywhere. If she doesn't want to get back with you it would probably be best to move on love, as meeting with her and kissing her will just end up hurting you.
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A
female
reader, Caftin +, writes (26 July 2013):
 I think she may have just wanted her own space without the emotional demands of a relationship when her Dad had that accident. She probably also knew the new responsibilities she'd have to take on and didn't want to cause a strain on the relationship, so in her mind, ending it was the most humane and easiest way to do it. Regardless of you having a past relationship with her, sex shouldn't be expected.The recent contact may be her changing her mind because she feel's the same as you, but the no texting or contact in between dates suggests a conflict inside her, that she does want to be with you but she also want's to stick to her original plan of just ending it because life for her is too hard now.Have you tried talking it out with her? Hope everything works out for you!
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